FDA Approves Emergency “Thoughts And Prayers” Treatment For Gunshot Victims
SILVER SPRINGS, MD — The recent shooting in Uvalde, TX which left 21 dead has prompted the Food and Drug Administration to grant emergency use […]
Crime
“He Doesn’t Bite,” Says Man About Dog Who Stabs People
CORNER BY CHICK-FIL-A — Area man Brad Perez confirmed this week that while his dog Brutus does not bite people, he does stab them. “Of […]
LAPD Finds All Suspects Of Murder Case In Break Room
LOS ANGELES — In what must have been either a stroke of luck or an eerie coincidence, the Los Angeles Police Department discovered every suspect […]
StockX Now Selling Insulin
DETROIT — The popular reselling website StockX has now added insulin to its vast catalog in what internet scalpers are calling the “sugar rush.” “My […]
Seven Deadly Sins Revised To Include Not Refilling The Brita
VATICAN CITY — The Holy Roman Catholic Church announced on Tuesday that the Seven Deadly Sins will be revised to include Not Refilling the Brita. […]
2,022 Things To Look Forward To In 2022
2021 has wrapped up and we are now in a new year. Change can be scary, so here is a list of 2,022 things that […]
Grizzled Detective Still Waiting for Wife to Be Murdered
NEW YORK CITY — Veteran homicide detective Rick Gruff expressed concerns Sunday that his wife of twenty years is still alive and well. “I’ve made […]
Facebook Announces Name Change, Now “The Facebook” Again
MENLO PARK, CA — The conglomerate formerly known as Facebook, Inc. announced Thursday that it would be changing its company name back to “The Facebook”. […]
Weapons Of Mass Destruction Mourn Passing Of Colin Powell: “He Always Believed In Us, Even When No One Else Did”
CLOUD CUCKOO LAND — In a statement released this morning out of the realm of imagination, Saddam Hussein’s Weapons of Mass Destruction mourned the death […]
Second-Year Reverses “Blue Lives Matter” Stance After Receiving Minor In Possession Citation
WESTWOOD — Second-year business economics student Cassie Duvall recently reversed her support for the Blue Lives Matter movement after receiving a citation on Thursday evening […]