BREAKING: The Hat Man Is Coming For You
YOUR LOCATION — He can see you. Run.
News
Brendon Urie Files For Divorce From Brendon Urie
LOS ANGELES— Brendon Urie, lead singer and only remaining member of the former pop-rock band Panic! At The Disco, has announced that he will be […]
Opinion: I Can’t Believe It’s Already Week 9
Wow, can you believe it’s almost the end of the quarter? Time sure does fly! It feels like the first day of school was just […]
Starship Vows To Be More Assertive This Year
WESTWOOD — Starship Number 38, known around the charging stations as Bernard, resolves to be more assertive as he rolls through the UCLA campus in […]
Loser Plays As Mario In MarioKart
MUSHROOM KINGDOM— Area dude Brad McIntyre bored gamers everywhere Tuesday when he chose Mario as his racing character in the hit Nintendo game MarioKart. “I […]
Radical Ally? This Student Just Said “Gracias” Instead of Thank You To A Rende West Worker
WESTWOOD — Second year Business Economics and Psychology double major Kayeighleighy White was celebrated with a round of applause for saying “gracias” to a Rende […]
Fire Alarm Forces Boelter Residents To Encounter Sunlight
WESTWOOD — Herds of STEM students, also known by their Latin name nerdicus uclai, were found in direct sunlight today after a fire in Boelter […]
“Say It Ain’t Saur:” Weezer Embarks On Australian Tour
SYDNEY — The American rock band Weezer has just announced their upcoming tour, titled “Say It Ain’t Saur: Australiaur 2023.” “We’ve translated all of our […]
Local Hero At Kerckhoff Watching Everyone’s Stuff
WESTWOOD — Second-year economics major Joshua Wadams has been hailed as a local hero following his efforts to simultaneously look after the personal belongings of […]
Prince Harry Apologizes For Accidentally Publishing Dream Diary
SANTA BARBARA — Prince Harry held a press conference outside of his estate this morning to clarify his remarks in his new memoir, “Spare.” “I […]