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BREAKING: The Hat Man Is Coming For You

February 1, 2023 Harry Song 0

YOUR LOCATION — He can see you. Run.

Brendon Urie Files For Divorce From Brendon Urie

January 30, 2023 Maya Chatrathi 0

LOS ANGELES— Brendon Urie, lead singer and only remaining member of the former pop-rock band Panic! At The Disco, has announced that he will be […]

Opinion: I Can’t Believe It’s Already Week 9

January 27, 2023 Jade Lacy 0

Wow, can you believe it’s almost the end of the quarter? Time sure does fly! It feels like the first day of school was just […]

Starship Vows To Be More Assertive This Year

January 24, 2023 Meghan Mason 0

WESTWOOD — Starship Number 38, known around the charging stations as Bernard, resolves to be more assertive as he rolls through the UCLA campus in […]

Loser Plays As Mario In MarioKart

January 23, 2023 Gillian Smith 0

MUSHROOM KINGDOM— Area dude Brad McIntyre bored gamers everywhere Tuesday when he chose Mario as his racing character in the hit Nintendo game MarioKart. “I […]

Radical Ally? This Student Just Said “Gracias” Instead of Thank You To A Rende West Worker

January 20, 2023 Sabrina Ellis 0

WESTWOOD — Second year Business Economics and Psychology double major Kayeighleighy White was celebrated with a round of applause for saying “gracias” to a Rende […]

Fire Alarm Forces Boelter Residents To Encounter Sunlight

January 18, 2023 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD — Herds of STEM students, also known by their Latin name nerdicus uclai, were found in direct sunlight today after a fire in Boelter […]

“Say It Ain’t Saur:” Weezer Embarks On Australian Tour

January 18, 2023 Gillian Smith 0

SYDNEY — The American rock band Weezer has just announced their upcoming tour, titled “Say It Ain’t Saur: Australiaur 2023.” “We’ve translated all of our […]

Local Hero At Kerckhoff Watching Everyone’s Stuff

January 18, 2023 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — Second-year economics major Joshua Wadams has been hailed as a local hero following his efforts to simultaneously look after the personal belongings of […]

Prince Harry Apologizes For Accidentally Publishing Dream Diary

January 13, 2023 Dana Badii 0

SANTA BARBARA — Prince Harry held a press conference outside of his estate this morning to clarify his remarks in his new memoir, “Spare.” “I […]

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