New Anti-Homeless Benches Just Giant Metal Spikes
LOS ANGELES — In response to increasing numbers of homeless people, city officials yesterday finished the first installation of their project to redesign anti-homeless benches, […]
News
Gene Block Mentioned 26 Times In Mueller Report For Some Reason
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s final report on his team’s investigation into potential links between the Trump campaign and Moscow was made public […]
De Neve Grab ‘N Go Loses Michelin Star
WESTWOOD — Lamenting that the dining establishment no longer holds itself to the culinary standards of innovation and excellence exalted by restaurants deemed worthy of […]
BREAKING: UCLA Entrepreneur Bought Stocks
WESTWOOD — Second-year business economics major Kevin Fisher was just reported to have “moved his assets” from his savings account into stocks. “I thought Kevin […]
Jason Alco Sightings Continue
WESTWOOD — Over the last six months, there have been multiple sightings of what many presume to be 2018 graduate Jason Alco blending in among the […]
Student’s Cries For Help Mistaken For Meme Jokes
WESTWOOD — Local third year Mark Pierce has submitted several cries for help to his Facebook feed, only for each one to be mistaken for […]
BREAKING: Westwood Enabler Writers Are Going On Strike
To the Associated Students UCLA Communications Board, Jacob Preal, Abigail Goldman, Doria Deen and the readers of the Westwood Enabler, We, the undersigned, are writing […]
YRL Mountain Lion Diverts Attention From Powell Cat
WESTWOOD — After a mountain lion was noticed taking residence in the bushes adjacent to Young Research Library (YRL), many students have taken to the […]
Unwelcome Mole Hair Invites Friends
WESTWOOD — Following last week’s tweezing, local mole hair Brian Guan McSilgian-Tube returned, having scaled its way up layers of human flesh and jabbing itself […]
Public Affairs Professor’s Mistresses Make Affairs Public
WESTWOOD — Last week, adjunct Public Affairs professor Nathan Bradley was surprised mid-lecture when his mistresses stormed into the hall and publicly announced his many […]