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Opinion

Blurry photo of woman with bloody bandage on head giving a thumbs-up to the camera.

Opinion: I Don’t Have A Concussion, Here’s Why. Opinion: I Don’t Have A Concussion

May 13, 2025 Claudia Bloom 0

Opinion: They Should Let The New Pope Have Gay Sex Once So He Can See If It Should Still Be Banned Or Not

May 7, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

With the death of Pope Francis, the first “woke pope,” the cardinals will soon enter conclave to pick the newest pontifex. I liked Pope Francis. […]

Opinion: He/Him Is Gender Neutral

May 6, 2025 David Doutman 0

Hey guys. A lot of guys seem to be getting mad at me for using he/him pronouns even when referring to guys who aren’t guys. […]

Julio Frenk’s “Listening Exercise” Is Cuck Play Where He Listens To Me And My Lover Through The Door

April 28, 2025 Azalea Morris 0

Dear Bruin Community: Since Julio began his listening exercise in February, I have met with 29 men and women, and more than 5,000 non-binary baristas, […]

Opinion: Too Bad, AFSCME! We Are Spending Five Million Dollars On A New Quarterback

April 21, 2025 Chancellor Julio Frenk 0

Dear Bruin Community:   At UCLA, promoting the well-being of the Bruin family is our top priority. As your Chancellor, I do all kinds of […]

James Charles, Katie Fang, and Carter Kench's Coachella outfits on a backdrop of the Coachella music festival.

Opinion: Shut The Fuck Up About Coachella

April 19, 2025 Maggie Kwan 0

An open letter to everyone on Instagram who is about to go to Coachella this weekend: SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! I DO NOT CARE!!! I’m […]

Health Tip: Swallow Your Zyns

April 16, 2025 Sandall Tobias 0

The great historian Howard Zynn once said, “Dissent is the highest form of patriotism.” Revising the revisionist, I say, “Dis Zyn is the highest form […]

OPINION: Useless Sproul Laundry Machines Can’t Even Make Me Cum

April 11, 2025 Azalea Morris 0

Picture This: the birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and I’m trying to be a good little girl and do my laundry on a […]

OPINION: Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Have “Golden Retriever Energy,” He’s Just White and Boring

April 2, 2025 Azalea Morris 0

Your boyfriend’s a bitch!!!!!!!!! In case it wasn’t clear, here’s the difference between your boyfriend and a Golden Retriever: Your boyfriend is not an innocent […]

Fat Sal’s And Five Other UCLA Traditions That Suck Ass

March 19, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

The only time I’ve ever been to Fat Sal’s was when I was either drunk or high out of my mind, which makes sense because […]

Posts pagination

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  • Julio Frenk Takes “Fuck the Police” Seriously, Last Seen Naked In Royce Hall

    WESTWOOD — After a recent protest marched up to Murphy Hall, home of the office of the chancellor, Julio Frenk decided to hear out the […]

  • “Counting To 10” And Other Woke Ideologies Sesame Street Is Using To Indoctrinate Your Kids

    Well, it’s official: President Trump has signed an executive order cutting funding to PBS. And thank the canonically white God, because the hit kids’ show […]

  • UCPD Relapses After Suffering Arrest Withdrawals

    WESTWOOD – Last night, UCPD relapsed in their ongoing addiction to arresting innocent students by violently swarming a movie screening and arresting two attendees. “The […]

  • UCPD Arrests Student For Thinking About Palestine

    WESTWOOD — UCPD officers reported that their week of sitting on their asses at Royce has finally proven useful as they arrested a passerby for […]

  • Man standing in a mirror maze, pointing to reflections of himself. He looks very bewildered.

    Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way

    HELL — Following a trip to the local mirror maze, resident genius Leon Noel scoffed at all the morons in there going the wrong direction. […]

Featured Authors

mm
Gabe McNeill
  • Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
  • Opinion: They Should Let The New Pope Have Gay Sex Once So He Can See If It Should Still Be Banned Or Not
  • Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

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