Man Who’d Try Anything Once Convicted Of First Degree Murder
TRENTON, NJ — Jerome McConichcachl, a twenty-two year old who would try anything once, was found guilty last Saturday of first degree murder. “I was […]
Articles by Max Flora
Proactive Freshman Digs Own Grave
WESTWOOD — UCLA freshman and self-proclaimed go-getter Laura Johnsonelli has reportedly begun arrangements for her own burial. “After I graduate med school, meet the optometrist […]
Flustered Quentin Tarantino Begins Teaching Himself Korean
HOLLYWOOD — Acclaimed film director Quentin Tarantino, after losing an Academy Award to Parasite, has reportedly begun teaching himself Korean. “I thought the Academy would […]
Study Finds Earth Could Be Too Hot For Light Jackets By 2050
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a revelatory study released last week, the Environmental Protection Agency claimed that not too bad, but slightly chilly days may be […]
Breaking: I Saw Mommy Kissing The Great Pumpkin
PUMPKIN PATCH — Last night was Halloween, and in my nine years alive, I had never before seen such haunting magic. At around 2 AM, […]
Op-Ed: Never Mind, It’s Just Another Amber Alert
WESTWOOD — Oh my god, my phone’s buzzing. Do you hear that? What if it’s something important? Maybe it’s Mark calling, finally confessing his love […]
Money Can’t Buy Happiness, Reports Man in Upper Middle Class
PALO ALTO — Jason Duane, a man lucky enough to be born into a financially secure family, recently reported that having money is not, in […]
Op-Ed: Jimmy Carter Is Dead
Let me be the first to say it. I’m happy to be the voice for the voiceless. After many hours of contemplation and meditation on […]
New Presidential Candidate Suspiciously Reasonable
TUCSON — This Wednesday, a suspiciously reasonable politician declared their official candidacy in the race for the Democratic nomination in the presidential election of 2020. […]
coalition of lo-fi artists ban capital letters
a basement — this tuesday, a board of music producers in charge of overseeing the lo-fi artistic community released a memo to their constituency banning […]