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Articles by Max Flora

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About Max Flora
Maxwell "Rough n Tumble" "Go Buy Me Some Vegan Snacks" Geronimo "Geronimo" Flora wastes a lot of time on this publication.

Only Time Student Pays Attention to Tell Professor Mic Not Working

April 1, 2021 Max Flora 0

WESTWOOD — Second-year biology major Jennifer McGonnifer unmuted herself during a Zoom lecture on Wednesday to tell the professor his audio was not working, although […]

Respectful Fourth-Year Only Dates First-Years 18 Or Older

November 10, 2020 Max Flora 0

WESTWOOD — According to a source close to him, fourth-year biology major Josh Winfrey has chosen to respect the women at UCLA and only date […]

Rudy Giuliani Still Waiting On Text From Maria Bakalova

October 26, 2020 Max Flora 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After his encounter with actress Maria Bakalova in Borat Subsequent Moviefilm, attorney Rudy Giuliani is still waiting for her to reach out […]

Op-Ed: As A Student Athlete, I Only Break Quarantine To Slap My Friend’s Ass

October 14, 2020 Connor Marshall 0

I am a proud member of the UCLA basketball team, and I respect that COVID-19 is a serious threat to the community. I would never […]

Trump Instructs Stimulus Package To Stand Back And Stand By

October 14, 2020 Max Flora 0

WASHINGTON — In a press conference on Tuesday, President Donald Trump instructed the proposed stimulus package– which would provide financial support to the nation in […]

Cal Develops Vaccine, Still Fails To Secure #1 Spot

October 5, 2020 Max Flora 0

BERKELEY — Researchers at the University of California, Berkeley developed a vaccine for the viral Covid-19 at 11 a.m. on Monday, and yet the university […]

Senior Who Taught You How To Do Line Admitted To Law School

September 23, 2020 Max Flora 0

WESTWOOD — Westley Frump, the senior who gave you your first line of cocaine in the bathroom of a house party, has reportedly been admitted […]

Man Who’d Try Anything Once Convicted Of First Degree Murder

May 18, 2020 Max Flora 0

TRENTON, NJ — Jerome McConichcachl, a twenty-two year old who would try anything once, was found guilty last Saturday of first degree murder. “I was […]

Proactive Freshman Digs Own Grave

February 20, 2020 Max Flora 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA freshman and self-proclaimed go-getter Laura Johnsonelli has reportedly begun arrangements for her own burial. “After I graduate med school, meet the optometrist […]

Flustered Quentin Tarantino Begins Teaching Himself Korean

February 12, 2020 Max Flora 0

HOLLYWOOD — Acclaimed film director Quentin Tarantino, after losing an Academy Award to Parasite, has reportedly begun teaching himself Korean. “I thought the Academy would […]

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