Staff Suggestions for Thanksgiving Quarantine Activities
This truly has been an unprecedented year! It is difficult to spend the holidays apart from family, and we at the Westwood Enabler know how […]
Top 3 Ways Besides COVID to Kill Your Grandma This Thanksgiving
Listen, we at the Westwood Enabler get it — you want to travel home to your family for Thanksgiving dinner this year. You probably miss […]
Worst Person You Know Not Muted on Zoom
WESTWOOD — At approximately 9:45 this morning, the worst person you know failed to mute himself in the Zoom meeting for your lecture. “MOM DO […]
Chick-fil-A CEO Converts To Islam
ATLANTA — Chick-fil-A’s CEO announced his conversion to Islam on Monday. “The American people need to eat more chicken, especially our new ‘Chick-fil-afel’,” said Chief […]
CCLE Wishes To Become A Real Website
WESTWOOD — After yet another day of letting down students and professors alike, CCLE wished upon a shooting star to become a real website just […]
Tough Professor Considers 90% Efficacy of COVID Vaccine a B+
WESTWOOD — Dr. Andrew Krossco took a bold stance against grade inflation on Monday when he reiterated his rule that the vaccine effectiveness cutoff for […]
Respectful Fourth-Year Only Dates First-Years 18 Or Older
WESTWOOD — According to a source close to him, fourth-year biology major Josh Winfrey has chosen to respect the women at UCLA and only date […]
TikTok User Doesn’t Actually Like TikTok
LOS ANGELES — Following the rise in popularity of TikTok among social media users across the world, local man Matt Mackers shrugged and told reporters […]
Breaking: Biden Cannot Simultaneously Pat Head, Rub Tummy
WILMINGTON, DE — During a major campaign event this week, presidential candidate Joe Biden failed to complete the simple task, requested by a five year […]
Op-Ed: Maybe The Real President Is The Friends We Made Along The Way
It’s been one heck of an election year, folks. And I don’t know about y’all, but I had a swell time. From eating corn dogs […]