Report: Facebook Event Invitations Don’t Mean Shit
WESTWOOD — Shocked to have seen literally everyone at Josh’s “exclusive” birthday party, second year biology major Sabrina Crocker has concluded that Facebook event invitations […]
Campus
UN Classifies One Floor Elevator Rides As War Crime
WESTWOOD — This afternoon, the UN passed a resolution to reclassify one-floor elevator trips from a low-level faux pas to a fully fledged war crime. […]
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Report: Velma Lost Her Glasses In Rocco’s
WESTWOOD — UCPD has reported that Velma Dinkley, a member of the crime solving group Mystery Inc., filed a police report claiming that she lost […]
UCLA Unveils New Financial Aid Program For Graduation Sashes
WESTWOOD — In an effort to make graduation regalia more accessible for low-income students, the UCLA Financial Aid & Scholarships Office announced a new supplement […]
BREAKING: Gene Block Spotted At Rocco’s
WESTWOOD — Esteemed UCLA Chancellor Gene D. Block was spotted at popular Westwood bar Rocco’s this past Thursday night, imbibing and dancing among the Bruin community […]
White Man With Brown Hair Does Improv
LOS ANGELES — Sources confirmed earlier last week that a local white man with brown hair does, in fact, perform improvisational comedy. “Yes and,” said […]
Op-Ed: Every Morning I Wake Up And Go To War
What are you doing at 4:00 in the morning? Most of UCLA is either asleep, hungover like degenerate civilians, or having sex without giving a […]
Freshman Drops Stack Of Plates In Dining Hall, Transfers Out
WESTWOOD — After dropping four plates and a glass of water in Bruin Plate while walking to put his dishes away, first-year physiological science major Andy […]
Screenshot Of Class Planner Still Screensaver
WESTWOOD — A glance at Bryan McPhee’s severely cracked phone screen from the girl sitting next to him in class has concluded that, despite it being […]