“Do You Know What Today Is?” Asks Biggest Dweeb You Know
WESTWOOD — This morning, students all over campus had their peace interrupted by the biggest dweeb around asking if they knew what day it was. […]
Campus
STEM Major Still Has To Google Unit Circle
WESTWOOD — Third-year Applied Mathematics major William L’Hopital recently made sine waves last Friday when he was seen googling the unit circle in his upper-division […]
Westwood Celebrates Grand Opening Of Empty Storefront
WESTWOOD — Last weekend, people lined up around the block for the grand opening of Westwood’s hottest new empty storefront. “When the family-owned restaurant that […]
Julio Frenk Promises Undocumented Students He Will Do “Absolutely Nothing” To Help Them
WESTWOOD — After demands from the undocumented student group IDEAS for the Chancellor to meet with them, Julio Frenk has announced in a campus-wide email […]
Opinion: If Your Class Has A Week 9 Midterm, I Should Be Allowed To Skip The Final
Merriam-Webster defines a midterm as an examination in the middle of an academic term. A UCLA quarter has 10 weeks. So what’s the deal with […]
UCLA Housing Signs Dorm Furnishing Contract With Temu
WESTWOOD — In anticipation of even less housing space and even more budget cuts, UCLA Housing has attempted to cut costs by signing a dorm […]
Rival Dance Groups Enter “West Side Story”-Esque Feud Over Parking Lot 7
WESTWOOD — Last night, after the Planes and the Rays, two of UCLA’s 10,000 hip-hop dance groups, engaged in a standoff over who had the […]
“Romance Movies Have No Plot” Says Guy Whose Romance Has Even Less Plot
Despite the fact this his current relationship is loveless and boring, Business Economics major Gustavo Hettro complained that his girlfriend’s choice of Pride and Prejudice […]
20 Dead, 3 Injured In Fight To Enroll In MATH 31B
WESTWOOD — 20 first-years have died trying to secure the last five MATH 31B lecture spots for the 2025 Spring quarter. “My thoughts and prayers […]
Douchebag Dogwhistle: Avoid Men Who Use The Phrase “Walkable Cities”
WESTWOOD — Disastrous reports from the Douchebag Research Institute (the minds that broke the Patagonia-vest epidemic and “being written by a woman”) claim that the […]