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A&E

Texts reading "I started making music from home a few months ago. And you listen with headphones and just let me know your HONEST thoughts"

I Lived It: An Old Friend Reached Out Just To Share Their Beats

May 10, 2025 Dana Badii 0

It’s a cool early summer evening. The moon is glowing, the stars are shining, and I’m taking advantage of this peaceful night by scrolling through […]

Idiot Moron Claps At Poetry Reading

April 28, 2025 Shayne Sweet 0

WESTWOOD — This morning, fourth-year American literature and culture major Emily Yonicson humiliated herself and her family as she clapped, not snapped, at a local […]

“Boiling Water Challenge” Raises Awareness For How To Kill Yourself

April 23, 2025 Jared Reed 0

LOS ANGELES — On Sunday, the University of Southern California’s Annoying Lame Students club (ALS) launched the ‘Boiling Water Challenge,’ a viral trend which aims […]

James Charles, Katie Fang, and Carter Kench's Coachella outfits on a backdrop of the Coachella music festival.

Opinion: Shut The Fuck Up About Coachella

April 19, 2025 Maggie Kwan 0

An open letter to everyone on Instagram who is about to go to Coachella this weekend: SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! I DO NOT CARE!!! I’m […]

Health Tip: Swallow Your Zyns

April 16, 2025 Sandall Tobias 0

The great historian Howard Zynn once said, “Dissent is the highest form of patriotism.” Revising the revisionist, I say, “Dis Zyn is the highest form […]

UCLA’S Top Five Sexually Eligible Statues

March 12, 2025 Shayne Sweet 0

5. John Wooden It’s no surprise that a man whose first and last names both mean penis is coming in hot on this list. John […]

Top Five Goonable Robots

March 7, 2025 David Doutman 0

Robots. One of the greatest and most attractive inventions ever thought up. They can help you with chores, they have superhuman strength, and best of […]

U.S. Army Chorus Perform ‘Do You Hear The People Sing’ In Brave Protest Against Themselves

February 26, 2025 Azalea Morris 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The U.S. Army Choir, who thought that ‘Les Miserables’ was French for ‘Miserable Lesbians’, conducted a fearless uprising against the U.S. military […]

“Romance Movies Have No Plot” Says Guy Whose Romance Has Even Less Plot

February 21, 2025 Jared Reed 0

Despite the fact this his current relationship is loveless and boring, Business Economics major Gustavo Hettro complained that his girlfriend’s choice of Pride and Prejudice […]

Douchebag Dogwhistle: Avoid Men Who Use The Phrase “Walkable Cities”

February 19, 2025 Barrett Willet 0

WESTWOOD — Disastrous reports from the Douchebag Research Institute (the minds that broke the Patagonia-vest epidemic and “being written by a woman”) claim that the […]

Posts pagination

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  • Someone glaring at another person standing in a corner at a party

    I Lived It: The Corner I Was Going To Stand In At The Party Got Taken

    As a Mysterious Fella, it’s important for me to have a nice corner to stand in at parties. There’s really nothing like holding a clammy […]

  • Report: White Woman Lowkey Doesn’t Mind The Patriarchy

    BEVERLY HILLS— Maddie Rose Miller, a fourth-year Sociology major, CorePower Yoga instructor, and aspiring luxury real estate agent, has recently reported feeling no ill-will towards […]

  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes

    Just the other day, I was walking to campus, my fresh, virgin eyes bright and cheery, excited to see the world and all the glory […]

  • A white boy and Asian girl standing outside Marugame Udon

    White Boy With Asian Girlfriend Too Excited To Celebrate AAPI Month

    WESTWOOD — After making yet another joke about “sucking balls” while ordering boba, first-year Global Studies major Brayden Smith made an Instagram post where he […]

  • Embarrassing! Student Doesn’t Have Outfit For Victorian French Gothic Hyperpop Themed Fundrager

    WESTWOOD — This weekend, civil engineering freshman James Baeseck was humiliated as he failed to show up in theme to the unsustainable fashion club’s Victorian […]

Featured Authors

mm
Gabe McNeill
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
  • Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site
  • Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

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