
Secretary Of State Successfully Names All 50
WASHINGTON, D.C. — At a press conference in the White House earlier today, Secretary of State Marco Rubio announced that he had successfully named all […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — At a press conference in the White House earlier today, Secretary of State Marco Rubio announced that he had successfully named all […]
WESTWOOD — After a decline in sales of Porto’s Bakery rolls and Krispy Kreme donuts, increasingly desperate clubs have begun selling their own organs on […]
INDIO — Early Thursday morning, organizers of the famed “They’re Alive?” festival excitedly announced their two headliners: Paul McCartney and Bob Dylan. “No, it was […]
The Hilltop Shop is essential to surviving on the Hill. Need laundry detergent? Cheeto Puffs? A month-old refrigerated sandwich? You go to the Hilltop Shop. […]
Ears, bellybuttons, noses, nipples, and tongues. All places people of all genders and body types can get a piercing and slut the fuck out. However, […]
WESTWOOD – After running out of past to study, the history department has announced that students can now declare a concentration in “future.” “We are […]
DAWN OF MAN – Following reports that a mysterious large black monolith has encased the John Wooden statue on Bruinwalk, a local group of early […]
WESTWOOD — Early Monday morning, the newly founded Bruin jaywalking club announced that almost the entire club was killed in the middle of Gayley in […]
WESTWOOD — After the wave of pro-Palestine protests that swept campus last year, Interim Chancellor Darnell Hunt has announced a new policy that limits protests […]
Copyright © 2025 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes