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Articles by Gabe McNeill

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About Gabe McNeill
Known primarily for their roles in the Watergate break-in and the breakup of The Beatles, Gabe McNeill was inspired to write for The Enabler after the Daily Bruin fired them.

Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes

May 28, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

Just the other day, I was walking to campus, my fresh, virgin eyes bright and cheery, excited to see the world and all the glory […]

Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site

May 20, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

Dear Julio Frenk, UCLA has been under a lot of controversy lately. The encampments and the mob attack on them, the cops everywhere, deportations, budget […]

Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve

May 12, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

1. De Neve is already De Nasty. Let’s be real here. Out of the three main dining halls, which would be the least bad to […]

Opinion: They Should Let The New Pope Have Gay Sex Once So He Can See If It Should Still Be Banned Or Not

May 7, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

With the death of Pope Francis, the first “woke pope,” the cardinals will soon enter conclave to pick the newest pontifex. I liked Pope Francis. […]

Man standing in a mirror maze, pointing to reflections of himself. He looks very bewildered.

Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way

April 29, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

HELL — Following a trip to the local mirror maze, resident genius Leon Noel scoffed at all the morons in there going the wrong direction. […]

Report: Straightest Woman You Know Won’t Stop Calling Boyfriend “Fruity”

April 22, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

WESTWOOD — Following the celebration of her five-year anniversary with her “pookie,” in which he bravely decided to wear jorts, straight third-year Psychology major Madison […]

Roommates Nationwide Participate in “Never Leave Your Fucking Bed” Challenge

April 14, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

WESTWOOD — According to the National Roommate Association, a dangerous new craze is sweeping the nation: the “Never Leave Your Fucking Bed” challenge. “HEYYYYYYY whatsgoinonguysitsyaboy […]

Intrepid Daily Bruin Reporters Find Out Julio Frenk’s Favorite Color

April 7, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

WESTWOOD — After a grueling investigation that involved bugging meeting rooms, undercover operations, and wiretapping, the Daily Bruin has made headline news announcing that they […]

Fat Sal’s And Five Other UCLA Traditions That Suck Ass

March 19, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

The only time I’ve ever been to Fat Sal’s was when I was either drunk or high out of my mind, which makes sense because […]

Julio Frenk Promises Undocumented Students He Will Do “Absolutely Nothing” To Help Them

March 5, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

WESTWOOD — After demands from the undocumented student group IDEAS for the Chancellor to meet with them, Julio Frenk has announced in a campus-wide email […]

Posts pagination

1 2 … 5 »

  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes

    Just the other day, I was walking to campus, my fresh, virgin eyes bright and cheery, excited to see the world and all the glory […]

  • A white boy and Asian girl standing outside Marugame Udon

    White Boy With Asian Girlfriend Too Excited To Celebrate AAPI Month

    WESTWOOD — After making yet another joke about “sucking balls” while ordering boba, first-year Global Studies major Brayden Smith made an Instagram post where he […]

  • Embarrassing! Student Doesn’t Have Outfit For Victorian French Gothic Hyperpop Themed Fundrager

    WESTWOOD — This weekend, civil engineering freshman James Baeseck was humiliated as he failed to show up in theme to the unsustainable fashion club’s Victorian […]

  • Report: Never Trust How You Feel About Your Life From 12AM To 11:59PM

    WESTWOOD — A new study from UCLA’s Student Anxiety and Depression (SAD) laboratory recommends to never trust anything you think about your life from 12:00 […]

  • Secretary of Defense Announces That Only The “Boy Lesbians” Will Be Eligible for Future Drafts

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Commenting on the draft eligibility of American women, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth announced that only the “boy lesbians” would be eligible. […]

Featured Authors

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Gabe McNeill
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
  • Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site
  • Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

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