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Sports

Fifth-Year Continuing To Major In “Fundecided”

June 1, 2023 Uma Patil 0

WESTWOOD — Long-term student Brody Martin, currently enrolled in his fifteenth quarter, informed his counselor Monday that he is taking a lighter course load this […]

Guy Holding Gene Block’s Voodoo Doll Ups Athletics Budget Again

May 2, 2023 Gillian Smith 0

WESTWOOD — Local scalawag and marionette enthusiast Gepetto Johnson, who is the proud owner of Gene Block’s voodoo doll, made it increase the athletics budget […]

Former Horse Girl Now Ketamine Addict

March 20, 2023 Idil Çenberci 0

LOUISVILLE, K.Y.— Retired jockey and racehorse enthusiast Hannah Ryder has recently developed a horsey addiction to ketamine. “It started as a bonding activity with my […]

Tom Brady Comes Out As Bisexual, And IX Other Super Bowl LVII Predictions

February 11, 2023 Enabler Staff 0

Super Bowl? Damn Right I’m Gonna Smoke A Super Big Bowl This Sunday Afternoon

February 10, 2023 Gillian Smith 0

Opinion: USC Students Are Dumb Poopyheads

November 18, 2022 Gabe McNeill 0

People make many arguments as to why UCLA is better than USC, or vice versa. Some people say UCLA has a higher academic ranking. Others […]

Help! It’s My Second Rodeo But I Still Don’t Know What To Do

November 6, 2022 Gillian Smith 0

LIBERTY, TX— Onlookers at the Rip Roarin’ Rodeo were shocked Wednesday when prospective cowboy and local idiot Bucks McGee erred despite having previously attended a […]

UCLA Purchases Expansion Campus In Downtown LA

October 6, 2022 Maya Chatrathi 0

New UCLA Course On How to Enroll In Courses Fast Enough Locked Immediately

June 22, 2022 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD — Students wiped away tears of joy today as they broke out their laptops and logged into their MyUCLA accounts, waiting for their enrollment […]

Breaking: UCLA Has A Women’s Basketball Team, Too!

February 17, 2022 Gillian Smith 0

WESTWOOD — Undercover journalists for the Daily Bruin’s sports desk have unearthed information suggesting that UCLA has a women’s basketball team that also wins games […]

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