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Breaking: He Is Fallen
VATICAN CITY — This Easter Sunday, after a long life of hard work fighting human rights violations, climate change, and church scandals, Pope Francis was […]
Uh Oh! New Police Sketch Artist Can Only Draw Realistic Eyes
LOS ANGELES — Disaster struck this morning as the LAPD discovered that their new sketch artist was only able to draw hyperrealistic eyes. “I started […]
Gayley Heights Burns Down After Roommates Make Really Long Chain Of Power Strips
WESTWOOD — On Thursday, UCLA apartment building Gayley Heights went up in flames after a mischievous band of roommates assembled an unusually lengthy chain of […]
Julio Frenk Fires Self In Compliance With UCLA’s New Anti-Diversity Hiring Policies
WESTWOOD – This morning, Julio Frenk showed his dedication to following UCLA’s new anti-diversity hiring policies by firing himself. “When I was hired, there was […]
UCLA’S Top Five Sexually Eligible Statues
5. John Wooden It’s no surprise that a man whose first and last names both mean penis is coming in hot on this list. John […]
Top Five Goonable Robots
Robots. One of the greatest and most attractive inventions ever thought up. They can help you with chores, they have superhuman strength, and best of […]
Opinion: If Your Class Has A Week 9 Midterm, I Should Be Allowed To Skip The Final
Merriam-Webster defines a midterm as an examination in the middle of an academic term. A UCLA quarter has 10 weeks. So what’s the deal with […]