Trump Denies Collusion, Claims To Be Ukrainian President
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump appears to be firing back after being thoroughly criticized for his conversation with Volodymyr Zelensky, the Ukrainian president. “Witch […]
International
Default Browser Somehow Bing Again
WESTWOOD — After attempting to Google-search “Game of Thrones Season 8 Finale Free Streaming 1080p,” second-year biology major Serena Tambor discovered her default browser had […]
Gene Block Outbids Trump, Buys Greenland
NUUK, GREENLAND — In an unexpected turn of events, Chancellor Gene Block outbid President Trump in the competitive and closely-watched sale of Greenland. “In many […]
Male Scientists Close To Discovering Clitoris’ Location
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services announced Friday that a highly qualified team of male scientists tasked with detailing the […]
Study: Schrodinger’s Cat Feels Dead and Alive, Experts Diagnose Depression
BERLIN — In a groundbreaking study, a coalition of physicists and mental health experts have designated the simultaneous dead and alive condition of Schrodinger’s Cat […]
UN Classifies One Floor Elevator Rides As War Crime
WESTWOOD — This afternoon, the UN passed a resolution to reclassify one-floor elevator trips from a low-level faux pas to a fully fledged war crime. […]
BREAKING NEWS:
Please continue to check The Westwood Enabler for updates.
God Beginning To Wonder Whether Anything In Bible Actually Happened
BETHLEHEM — Following thousands of years of religious discourse, God admitted in an exclusive interview Monday that he has doubts about how accurately His holy […]
Iceberg Unhappy With Portrayal In Titanic
ARCTIC CIRCLE — Last week, Paramount Pictures received a complaint from the iceberg that sank the RMS Titanic, stating dissatisfaction with its cameo in James Cameron’s […]
Macron Calls To Congratulate USAC President-Elect
PARIS — When news of Friday’s undergraduate student council election results reached across the Atlantic, French President Emmanuel Macron rushed to be the first to […]