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International

“Say It Ain’t Saur:” Weezer Embarks On Australian Tour

January 18, 2023 Gillian Smith 0

SYDNEY — The American rock band Weezer has just announced their upcoming tour, titled “Say It Ain’t Saur: Australiaur 2023.” “We’ve translated all of our […]

Prince Harry Apologizes For Accidentally Publishing Dream Diary

January 13, 2023 Dana Badii 0

SANTA BARBARA — Prince Harry held a press conference outside of his estate this morning to clarify his remarks in his new memoir, “Spare.” “I […]

Gene Block Drops Out Of Race For Prime Minister

October 25, 2022 Bella Dunham 0

10 GAYLEY ST — UCLA Chancellor Gene Block announced Tuesday that he will be withdrawing himself from consideration as leader of the Labour Party and […]

England Collapses, Becomes East Wales

October 20, 2022 Gillian Smith 0

EAST WALES, BRITAIN— Following the recent death, resignation, or otherwise incapacitation of several of England’s most influential old white conservatives, the former global power has […]

Opinion: If Ned Fulmer Can Do It, So Will Your Boyfriend

October 16, 2022 Serena Lee 0

Did you just celebrate your two year anniversary with Sweetie Cakes? Everything’s going well, he bought you flowers and gifts, and promised to love you […]

REPORT: All The People Alive Are Out There Right Now

October 10, 2022 Melissa Beining 0

WASHINGTON, DC — According to a new report from the Federal Bureau of Investigation, everyone currently alive has been confirmed to be out there right […]

Molecular Sciences Building Explodes With Cure For Ligma Inside

September 29, 2022 Milo Ellison 0

WESTWOOD — In a red-hot BruinAlert sent out Thursday afternoon, UCLA announced that the Molecular Sciences Building has exploded, and with it, the cure for […]

Elizabeth II Also Struggling With Unexpected Heat Wave

September 8, 2022 Gillian Smith 0

HELL— Following unusually high temperatures across California this week, word has come in from Balmoral Castle in Scotland today that Queen Elizabeth II is also […]

CDC Drops 2nd C From Name

August 18, 2022 Dylan Wood 0

ATLANTA — Following a series of changes to their COVID-19 policies, the C.D.C. has declared that they will be dropping the second “C” from their […]

FBI Seizes Barron Trump During Mar-A-Logo Raid

August 12, 2022 Dylan Wood 0

PALM BEACH — Officials from the Federal Bureau of Investigation announced Friday that they had seized Donald Trump’s youngest son, Barron, in their search of […]

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