“Say It Ain’t Saur:” Weezer Embarks On Australian Tour
SYDNEY — The American rock band Weezer has just announced their upcoming tour, titled “Say It Ain’t Saur: Australiaur 2023.” “We’ve translated all of our […]
International
Prince Harry Apologizes For Accidentally Publishing Dream Diary
SANTA BARBARA — Prince Harry held a press conference outside of his estate this morning to clarify his remarks in his new memoir, “Spare.” “I […]
Gene Block Drops Out Of Race For Prime Minister
10 GAYLEY ST — UCLA Chancellor Gene Block announced Tuesday that he will be withdrawing himself from consideration as leader of the Labour Party and […]
England Collapses, Becomes East Wales
EAST WALES, BRITAIN— Following the recent death, resignation, or otherwise incapacitation of several of England’s most influential old white conservatives, the former global power has […]
Opinion: If Ned Fulmer Can Do It, So Will Your Boyfriend
Did you just celebrate your two year anniversary with Sweetie Cakes? Everything’s going well, he bought you flowers and gifts, and promised to love you […]
REPORT: All The People Alive Are Out There Right Now
WASHINGTON, DC — According to a new report from the Federal Bureau of Investigation, everyone currently alive has been confirmed to be out there right […]
Molecular Sciences Building Explodes With Cure For Ligma Inside
WESTWOOD — In a red-hot BruinAlert sent out Thursday afternoon, UCLA announced that the Molecular Sciences Building has exploded, and with it, the cure for […]
Elizabeth II Also Struggling With Unexpected Heat Wave
HELL— Following unusually high temperatures across California this week, word has come in from Balmoral Castle in Scotland today that Queen Elizabeth II is also […]
CDC Drops 2nd C From Name
ATLANTA — Following a series of changes to their COVID-19 policies, the C.D.C. has declared that they will be dropping the second “C” from their […]
FBI Seizes Barron Trump During Mar-A-Logo Raid
PALM BEACH — Officials from the Federal Bureau of Investigation announced Friday that they had seized Donald Trump’s youngest son, Barron, in their search of […]