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Report: Velma Lost Her Glasses In Rocco’s
WESTWOOD — UCPD has reported that Velma Dinkley, a member of the crime solving group Mystery Inc., filed a police report claiming that she lost […]
Rotting Mound Of Marine Life Newest SeaWorld Attraction
SAN DIEGO — SeaWorld sparked nationwide buzz last Friday after announcing that they would be unveiling a massive, festering mound of sea creatures choking on […]
Report: Rideshare Drivers Sentient Beings, Can Hear Your Conversations
WESTWOOD ― A new study by the Semel Institute of Neuroscience found that the flesh blobs in charge of navigating your Ubers and Lyfts are […]
New Presidential Candidate Suspiciously Reasonable
TUCSON — This Wednesday, a suspiciously reasonable politician declared their official candidacy in the race for the Democratic nomination in the presidential election of 2020. […]
Game Of Thrones Cancelled Halfway Through Final Episode
NEW YORK — Last night, the final episode of HBO’s hit fantasy series Game of Thrones was canceled halfway through its final episode. “It just seemed […]
Report: You’ve Read All Your Free Articles For This Month
WESTWOOD — Citing the paywall triggered after reading three articles in a given month, The Westwood Enabler reported that you have exhausted all of your […]
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Body Pillow Found In Basement Of Shapiro Residence
LOS ANGELES — Earlier this week a body pillow, otherwise known as a “dakimakura,” depicting U.S. Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was found in the basement of the […]
Sepi’s Files Counterproposal To Evict Steve Sann
WESTWOOD — Following efforts by the Westwood Community Council to pressure Sepi’s into leaving Westwood, the local bar and restaurant filed a counterproposal to evict […]
Carl’s Jr. Grounded by Carl’s Sr.
NASHVILLE — Carl’s Junior announced today that it will be closing its doors for two weeks after being grounded by Carl’s Senior. “We at Carl’s […]