Report! Stonehenge Only Epic Thing White People Have Ever Done
UNITED KINGDOM — A new report out of Exeter University claims to have proven that Stonehenge is the only epic thing to ever be done […]
Culture
Hottest Spot For Grad Photos Is Sidewalk Pit Outside Of CVS
WESTWOOD — UCLA seniors are taking their grad photos at the hottest spot in town: the sidewalk pit outside of CVS. “In some ways, it’s […]
Tom Holland To Play Timothée Chalamet In Upcoming Biopic
HOLLYWOOD — Marvel star Tom Holland has been confirmed to play Timothée Chalamet in the highly anticipated biopic, an announcement which follows the recent casting […]
Archaeologists Discover First Woman To Ever Put “Future Milf” In Her Tinder Bio
WESTWOOD — A team of UCLA archaeologists announced Monday that, after years of digging, they have uncovered the first woman to ever write “future milf” […]
New Season Of “How It’s Made” Features Episode On Babies
MONTREAL — Producers behind the television show “How It’s Made” recently announced that the upcoming season will feature an episode about babies. “The process begins […]
Andre To Perform At Coachella
INDIO, CA — In an unprecedented announcement, Andre has announced via his Instagram page (@larger_thanlife_3) that he will be performing at the Coachella Valley Music […]
“&$@!,” And Four Other Things You Really Shouldn’t Say
DO NOT SAY THE FOLLOWING. This is obviously a very crude word, why else would we censor it with random symbols? A$$ is a no-no […]
Therapists Hate Her!
WESTWOOD — Sources suggested Monday that therapists really hate Molly Johnson, 24, of Westwood. “She comes in every week and apologizes if she sounds annoying,” […]
4 Out Of 5 Dentists Say You Should Break Up
CAMBRIDGE — A recent study done by MIT analysts has found that four out of five dentists say you should break up with your good-for-nothing […]
Opinion: I Was Going To Make A Will Smith Joke, But I Am Afraid
Hi all, I hope we are all aware of what transpired on Sunday, March 27th at the Dolby Theatre. It was a night that will […]