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Culture

Loser Plays As Mario In MarioKart

January 23, 2023 Gillian Smith 0

MUSHROOM KINGDOM— Area dude Brad McIntyre bored gamers everywhere Tuesday when he chose Mario as his racing character in the hit Nintendo game MarioKart. “I […]

Radical Ally? This Student Just Said “Gracias” Instead of Thank You To A Rende West Worker

January 20, 2023 Sabrina Ellis 0

WESTWOOD — Second year Business Economics and Psychology double major Kayeighleighy White was celebrated with a round of applause for saying “gracias” to a Rende […]

“Say It Ain’t Saur:” Weezer Embarks On Australian Tour

January 18, 2023 Gillian Smith 0

SYDNEY — The American rock band Weezer has just announced their upcoming tour, titled “Say It Ain’t Saur: Australiaur 2023.” “We’ve translated all of our […]

Opinion: IBS Isn’t Hot Because Diarrhea Is Gross, Actually

January 11, 2023 A Concerned Citizen 0

Have you heard about how hot girls have IBS? How all the hottest girls are on a low FODMAP diet and can’t look at a […]

Fetishist Senator Gravely Misunderstands U.S.’ Inflation Problem

January 9, 2023 Lucas Humel 0

WASHINGTON, D.C.— The office of Senator Martha Lovelace (R-AR) is scrambling to spin an unfortunate gaffe made in the joint committee on taxation hearings earlier […]

Exhausted Dominatrix Hits The Sack

January 9, 2023 Elena Whitlock 0

Nerds Take Over Covel Piano

January 4, 2023 Tyler Neufeld 0

COVEL COMMONS— The hearts, souls, and especially ears of residents of The Hill are being terrorized by the sounds emanating from the Covel Piano. “I […]

The Westwood Enabler’s 2022 Favorites

December 30, 2022 Billie Chang 0

Inspired by Obama’s list of his 2022 favs, below is a comprehensive list of what us cool people were watching, reading, and listening to this […]

Studies Show That A Hoe Does In Fact Get Cold

December 22, 2022 Gillian Smith 0

WESTWOOD — Leading researchers for UCLA’s Thotical Research Lab have published a groundbreaking report suggesting that a hoe does, in fact, get cold. “It dropped […]

GroupMe Removed From List Of Best Venues For Aspiring Stand-Up Comedians

December 19, 2022 Ella Cash 0

LOCATION — Collegiate jokesters across the nation were rocked by news that GroupMe has been removed from the L.A. Times’ list of best venues for […]

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Lucas Humel
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