WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, the two worst people you know ended their months-long situationship. “All men do is cheat, lie, and make massive, outrageous, pork-filled Congressional spending bills,” said Elon Musk, posting a GoFundMe to get out of an abusive roommate situation in the White House with his now-ex. “We had a good relationship. I don’t know if we will anymore. Also, just so everyone knows, he was in the Epstein files.” At press time, Musk was seen telling J.D. Vance that the separation was his fault.
