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Articles by Jade Lacy

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About Jade Lacy
Jade is an enigma, the shadow at the edge of your vision, the personification of night, and a third-year English major. She enjoys creeping into your nightmares and creative writing.

UCLA To Provide Free Girl Talk In All Campus Bathrooms

April 29, 2022 Jade Lacy 0

WESTWOOD — Following the installation of free menstrual products in over 50% of UCLA bathrooms, administration has announced plans to provide free girl talk in […]

Report: Judge Who Struck Down Mask Mandate Has A Great Smile

April 26, 2022 Jade Lacy 0

TAMPA — Reporters on the scene at Florida’s Middle District Federal court, where Judge Kathryn Kimball Mizelle recently struck down the mask mandate for public […]

Anonymous Invasive Carp Destroys Google Docs Ecosystem

April 12, 2022 Jade Lacy 0

GOOGLE DRIVE — Digital climate scientists announced Friday that the ecosystem of anonymous life forms that populate the Google Docs microbiome is being threatened by […]

HBO Releases New Euphoria Inspired Drugs

March 9, 2022 Jade Lacy 0

NEW YORK, NY— Following the massive success of the second season of “Euphoria,” A24 announced the release of a new line of drugs inspired by […]

“Intersectionality,” And Other Buzzwords You Can Use To Justify Buying From Amazon

March 5, 2022 Jade Lacy 0

We all know how it goes. You run out of masks or printer ink or clean underwear, and you need more ASAP. There’s only one […]

Westwood Neighborhood Council Votes To Add More Vacant Pits

February 18, 2022 Jade Lacy 0

WESTWOOD — Citing an uncharacteristic lack of gaping holes in the ground, the Westwood Neighborhood Council voted Friday to add more vacant pits to the […]

Professor Announces Solitaire Will Be On Midterm

February 11, 2022 Jade Lacy 0

WESTWOOD — English 10B Professor Jane Houston announced Tuesday that in order to accurately reflect what students have been doing in lecture, solitaire will be […]

Students, Viruses Enjoy Return to Campus

February 10, 2022 Jade Lacy 0

WESTWOOD — The UCLA community, and the UCLA virus community lying dormant in students’ bloodstreams, began its return to campus this week with excitement. “It […]

A grizzled detective with a beige coat, magnifying glass, mustache, and brown fedora appears against a white background, looking for his next clue. Behind him is his wife, a beautiful black woman with a white shirt and hoop earrings, whose smile could light up a room.

Grizzled Detective Still Waiting for Wife to Be Murdered

December 11, 2021 Jade Lacy 0

NEW YORK CITY — Veteran homicide detective Rick Gruff expressed concerns Sunday that his wife of twenty years is still alive and well. “I’ve made […]

Uh Oh! You Just Got Invited To An Improv Show

November 27, 2021 Jade Lacy 0

WESTWOOD — Amateur comedians have been bombarding unsuspecting students over the past week with invites to their improv shows, and you are their latest victim. […]

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