CDC: Fully Vaccinated People Can Smoke Cigarettes They Find On Ground
ATLANTA — On Wednesday evening, the Centers for Disease Control announced a change in their guidelines for fully vaccinated Americans, allowing them to take one […]
Articles by Jade Lacy
Area Man Worried Quarantine Will End Before Beard Grows In
SAN FRANCISCO — As COVID vaccination distribution and reopening plans continue across the state, local semi-rugged man Hunter Short has been increasingly anxious that his […]
Acclaimed Professor Struggles to Screen Share
WESTWOOD – UCLA Professor Barclay Hughes, renowned expert in 12th century steelwork and author of numerous foundational papers in the field, appeared almost childlike in […]
New Lockdown Order Closes Living Rooms After 10:00 p.m.
LOS ANGELES — County health authorities announced last night that Los Angeles will be moving to the magenta tier, closing all nonessential businesses, services and […]
CCLE Wishes To Become Real Website
WESTWOOD — After yet another day of letting down students and professors alike, CCLE wished upon a shooting star to become a real website just […]
Area Man Enters Hour Three of Describing Music Taste
WESTWOOD — Third-year film student Doug Babcock has been filibustering a real conversation for three hours now, after an acquaintance made the mistake of asking […]
Social Bubble Expands To All Of Westwood
WESTWOOD — After gradually growing over the past several months through totally socially distanced picnics, parties and date nights, one social bubble has finally expanded […]
Leaves Beginning To Change In California
LOS ANGELES — California residents are going out in droves to witness the changing of leaves from green to red to ash, enjoying the telltale […]
BREAKING: Grandma Downloaded TikTok
DALLAS — Local senior citizen Dolly Berkshire amassed one million followers on TikTok Friday morning, a milestone she has been approaching since her video dancing […]
Local Weatherman Gives Up
SAN JOSE — Local weatherman Grayson Rays seemed a little less energetic than usual during yesterday’s evening news, Zooming into the broadcast while laying in […]