Grizzled Detective Still Waiting for Wife to Be Murdered

A grizzled detective with a beige coat, magnifying glass, mustache, and brown fedora appears against a white background, looking for his next clue. Behind him is his wife, a beautiful black woman with a white shirt and hoop earrings, whose smile could light up a room.

NEW YORK CITY — Veteran homicide detective Rick Gruff expressed concerns Sunday that his wife of twenty years is still alive and well. “I’ve made a lot of enemies in this line of work, and not a single one of them has had the guts to kill her,” said Gruff, frantically stringing red yarn between photos of his wife and random mugshots. “All the other guys at the station have an arch nemesis to chase around and here I am having Sunday dinner with my wonderful, breathing wife. At this point, I’d even be happy if she died of a mysterious illness.” Gruff is still dedicated to taking charming home videos of his wife painting their nursery and dancing on the beach, in the hopes that he can play them back with fondness after her untimely demise.

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Jade is an enigma, the shadow at the edge of your vision, the personification of night, and a third-year English major. She enjoys creeping into your nightmares and creative writing.