Area Man’s Art Still Sucks Despite Depression Diagnosis
PORTLAND, OR — After several unlucky years spent developing his craft, things were finally starting to look up for local painter Chuck Picasso (no relation) […]
Articles by Dylan Wood
Life In America Returning To Normal
BOULDER, CO — With the nation still reeling from the Coronavirus pandemic, Americans have been able to see signs of normalcy returning following the country’s […]
Democrats Negotiate Stimulus Checks Down To $10 Starbucks Gift Card
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press conference this morning, Senate Democrats announced that the long-awaited stimulus checks will take the form of a $10 Starbucks […]
Playboy Donates Full Catalog To Trump Presidential Library
BEVERLY HILLS — In a press release sent out this morning, Playboy Enterprises announced that they would be donating their entire back catalog to the […]
Breakout Room Enters Day Three Of Awkward Silence
WESTWOOD — Tension is running high this morning as an Introduction to Communications discussion entered its third straight day of awkward silence. “This disaster began […]
COVID Positive Rudy Giuliani Checks Into Walter Reed Hardware Store
WASHINGTON, DC — Following his positive COVID-19 diagnosis, Rudy Giuliani has reportedly checked himself into Walter Reed Hardware Store, a small building supply company located […]
Respondus Reveals New LockDown Sniper
REDMOND, WA — Earlier today, Respondus, the software company known for its controversial LockDown Browser, revealed their latest product: the all-new Respondus LockDown Sniper™. “Respondus […]
Op-Ed: Maybe The Real President Is The Friends We Made Along The Way
It’s been one heck of an election year, folks. And I don’t know about y’all, but I had a swell time. From eating corn dogs […]
Candidates Debate Fracking, Vow To Inject Chemicals Into Voters’ Bloodstreams
NASHVILLE — Amid contentious debate over the dangers of hydraulic fracturing, or “fracking,” both presidential candidates have endorsed a plan to inject carcinogens directly into […]
Senate Democrats Plan To Prevent Barrett Confirmation By Sternly Frowning
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press conference Wednesday, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer unveiled the Democrats’ strategy to prevent Judge Amy Coney Barrett’s confirmation by […]