Housing Adds “Homoerotic Tension” Option to Male Roommate Contracts
WESTWOOD — Preparing for the renewal of roommate contracts for Winter Quarter, UCLA Housing has added a “Homoerotic Tension” clause, hoping to play matchmaker. “We […]
UCLA’s Final Offer: Replace All TAs With This Cute Widdle Guy
WESTWOOD — In a bold move, UCLA officials have announced plans to fire all teaching assistants and replace them with Mr. Pudding. “We are always […]
Opinion: We Need A Bumble Where I Don’t Have To Message First
Bumble’s unique, women-first messaging system has made it the top dating app for progressive thinkers, bisexuals, and men who are willing to try pegging at […]
Undercover With The UCPD Scooter Squad
WESTWOOD — In the UCPD campus safety system, scooter-based offenses are considered especially heinous. The dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious misdemeanors are members of […]
Trend Watch! These Fuckin’ Things
Fidget Spinners. Kendamas. Fushigi Magic Gravity Balls. These are just a few of the endless gadgets and doodads that have captivated the minds and hearts […]
Financial Aid Office Suggests Trying Ramen
WESTWOOD — With the COVID-19 pandemic leaving many in financial peril, the UCLA Office of Financial Aid has released an advisory statement suggesting that struggling […]
Ackerman Ice Machine Still Broken To Raise Awareness For Melting Ice Caps
WESTWOOD — After receiving numerous student complaints, UCLA Administration announced that they will not be fixing the Ackerman ice machine to raise awareness for the […]
Second Year Learns To Do Laundry
WESTWOOD — Rieber Hall residents can now breathe a sigh of relief as second-year resident Emmet Turring (no relation) has finally learned to do his […]
Powell Cat’s Nudes Leaked
WESTWOOD — Shockwaves were felt across the UCLA campus yesterday after Powell Cat’s publicist, Meea Yao, released a statement claiming that multiple students’ Instagram stories […]