BEVERLY HILLS— Maddie Rose Miller, a fourth-year Sociology major, CorePower Yoga instructor, and aspiring luxury real estate agent, has recently reported feeling no ill-will towards the patriarchy. “If I hadn’t gotten woke and learned about the patriarchy from African-American women on TikTok in 2020, I would’ve had no idea it even existed!” said Maddie, bumping her family’s gardener with her G-Wagon as he hunched over their rose bushes, and locking her doors as she exited the car “just in case.” “As a chill ‘guy’s girl,’ I lowkey don’t think my life is any harder than my guy friends’, especially since I got my SheWee. My dad says being a white man is harder than being a woman these days, on account of the male loneliness epidemic and all the cancel-culture shit. Also, my brother Jake and I both intern at my dad’s real estate firm and he says his work is much harder than mine because I can just pop my cleavage out to close a sale.” At press time, Maddie was making 83 cents to Jake’s dollar.
