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Articles by Sabrina Ellis

Violence Apparently Not Allowed At UCLA

February 13, 2025 Sabrina Ellis 0

University Shuts Down Jewish Sukkot To Protect Jewish Students

October 23, 2024 Sabrina Ellis 0

WESTWOOD — This Monday evening, UCLA Administration once again reinforced their commitment to protecting Jewish community on campus by tearing down the sukkah that was […]

UCLA Provides Police Violence As Safer Alternative To Counter-Protestor Violence

May 5, 2024 Sabrina Ellis 0

WESTWOOD — After UCLA student activists were attacked by counter-protestors Tuesday night, university administration immediately handled it 24 hours later by calling cops to brutalize […]

UCLA Admin Release Bruin-Bear Spray

May 3, 2024 Sabrina Ellis 0

A Win For Diversity! This White Latina Thinks She Is A POC Because Her Parents Can Make Empanadas

March 8, 2024 Sabrina Ellis 0

WESTWOOD — Third-year white Latinx student Layla Rodriguez barged into a conversation about racism to share her experience growing up as a person of color […]

I Lived It: Guy I Told My Friends About Has Only One Instagram Post From 2018

February 27, 2024 Sabrina Ellis 0

It seemed too good to be true. And I was right. After two dates, the guy from that meet-cute dream encounter gave me his Instagram […]

Vegan’s ‘Ethical Diet’ Sourced Exclusively Through Child Labor

January 31, 2024 Sabrina Ellis 0

WESTWOOD — Local vegan Polly Mitchell shared her advice Tuesday on how to live a more ethical lifestyle through her sustainable snacks produced by children […]

“It’s Just Seasonal Depression,” Says Student During Spring Quarter

May 24, 2023 Sabrina Ellis 0

WESTWOOD — Fourth-year Primrose Miller claimed Monday that their depression is just seasonal, despite it being week eight of spring quarter. “I’m usually totally fine. […]

Tucker Carlson Applies For Job At Daily Bruin

May 4, 2023 Sabrina Ellis 0

WESTWOOD — Emails leaked this morning revealed that Tucker Carlson has been making pleas for a permanent position at the Daily Bruin. “The woke mob […]

Three Signs You Have Developed A Parasocial Relationship With Gene Block

February 6, 2023 Sabrina Ellis 0

Are you feeling those pesky little butterflies fluttering in your tummy when you think about how close you are to Gene Block again after break? […]

Posts pagination

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  • Man standing in a mirror maze, pointing to reflections of himself. He looks very bewildered.

    Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way

    HELL — Following a trip to the local mirror maze, resident genius Leon Noel scoffed at all the morons in there going the wrong direction. […]

  • Julio Frenk’s “Listening Exercise” Is Cuck Play Where He Listens To Me And My Lover Through The Door

    Dear Bruin Community: Since Julio began his listening exercise in February, I have met with 29 men and women, and more than 5,000 non-binary baristas, […]

  • Idiot Moron Claps At Poetry Reading

    WESTWOOD — This morning, fourth-year American literature and culture major Emily Yonicson humiliated herself and her family as she clapped, not snapped, at a local […]

  • Heartbreaking! Invisible Lesbian Unable To Celebrate Lesbian Visibility Week

    WESTWOOD — After attempting to participate in the LGBTQ Campus Resource Center’s event for Lesbian Visibility Week, one lesbian was deeply disappointed by the center’s […]

  • “Sperm Racing” Event to Take Place in Communal Bathroom Shower Stall

Featured Authors

mm
Gabe McNeill
  • Opinion: They Should Let The New Pope Have Gay Sex Once So He Can See If It Should Still Be Banned Or Not
  • Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way
  • Report: Straightest Woman You Know Won’t Stop Calling Boyfriend “Fruity”
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

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