“It’s Just Seasonal Depression,” Says Student During Spring Quarter
WESTWOOD — Fourth-year Primrose Miller claimed Monday that their depression is just seasonal, despite it being week eight of spring quarter. “I’m usually totally fine. […]
Articles by Sabrina Ellis
Tucker Carlson Applies For Job At Daily Bruin
WESTWOOD — Emails leaked this morning revealed that Tucker Carlson has been making pleas for a permanent position at the Daily Bruin. “The woke mob […]
Three Signs You Have Developed A Parasocial Relationship With Gene Block
Are you feeling those pesky little butterflies fluttering in your tummy when you think about how close you are to Gene Block again after break? […]
What a Deal! This Student Just Got a Free Virus With Her Pirated Textbook
WESTWOOD — Third-year Computer Science major Nerdiea Lert was delighted this Thursday to find a complementary virus attached to her free Calculus I textbook that […]
Radical Ally? This Student Just Said “Gracias” Instead of Thank You To A Rende West Worker
WESTWOOD — Second year Business Economics and Psychology double major Kayeighleighy White was celebrated with a round of applause for saying “gracias” to a Rende […]
ROTC Students Drafted For The War On Christmas
WESTWOOD — UCLA ROTC students were dismayed to learn yesterday that recent developments in the war on Christmas meant they would have to leave their […]
Ackerman Ice Machine Still Broken To Raise Awareness For Melting Ice Caps
WESTWOOD — After receiving numerous student complaints, UCLA Administration announced that they will not be fixing the Ackerman ice machine to raise awareness for the […]