Ackerman Ice Machine Still Broken To Raise Awareness For Melting Ice Caps

WESTWOOD — After receiving numerous student complaints, UCLA Administration announced that they will not be fixing the Ackerman ice machine to raise awareness for the consequences of global warming. “This is really absolutely definitely not about saving funds to pay for my sports car collection. We take climate change here very seriously,” said Gene Block, after running over a student on Bruinwalk with his newest Bugatti Chiron Super Sport 300+. “This is more than just awareness. We want students to be able to deeply empathize with the animals that lost their homes in the ice caps. We want them to think about the polar bears, to feel like the polar bears, to become the polar bears.” At press time, Gene Block was explaining that UCLA workers and TAs are underpaid to avoid cutting down trees to make new dollar bills.