WESTWOOD — After long deliberation, first-year Dykstra resident Elizabeth Lowes has decided to follow her heart and pursue a long-distance relationship with Hedrick Summit resident […]
TALLAHASSEE — After showing up to work with a high fever, Florida native Olivia Yeller reassured her coworkers that she does not have COVID, but […]
COVEL COMMONS— The hearts, souls, and especially ears of residents of The Hill are being terrorized by the sounds emanating from the Covel Piano. “I […]
Inspired by Obama’s list of his 2022 favs, below is a comprehensive list of what us cool people were watching, reading, and listening to this […]
BORDER TOWN, NEVADA — A rogue Strawberry Piña Colada Elf Bar, believed to be the sole survivor of the California flavored tobacco ban, was seen […]
HEAVEN — The heavens rejoiced yesterday as Jesus made it through his birthday without crying. “There’s just so much pressure to have a good day, […]
WESTWOOD — UCLA ROTC students were dismayed to learn yesterday that recent developments in the war on Christmas meant they would have to leave their […]
WESTWOOD — Leading researchers for UCLA’s Thotical Research Lab have published a groundbreaking report suggesting that a hoe does, in fact, get cold. “It dropped […]
WATTPAD — Y/N was recently sold to Harry Styles to pay for your mother’s drug debt. “I was throwing my long brown hair in a […]
LOCATION — Collegiate jokesters across the nation were rocked by news that GroupMe has been removed from the L.A. Times’ list of best venues for […]
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