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Articles by Billie Chang

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About Billie Chang
Billie Chang saw you today. That's right, you.

Sexual Tension Alert! Neighbor Arrives At Apartment Door Same Time As You Do

February 21, 2023 Billie Chang 0

FLOOR 4 – Late Tuesday night, third-year Chemistry major Carly A. Ptraction found herself arriving at her apartment at the exact same time as her […]

The Westwood Enabler’s 2022 Favorites

December 30, 2022 Billie Chang 0

Inspired by Obama’s list of his 2022 favs, below is a comprehensive list of what us cool people were watching, reading, and listening to this […]

Move Over UCLA Mom Shirt! Here Are 6 New Shirts For The Special People In Your Life Who Helped You Get To Where You Are Today!

September 22, 2022 Billie Chang 0

Dog In Hiding After Owner Plays “Dog Days Are Over”

May 25, 2022 Billie Chang 0

WESTWOOD — Late Monday morning, 10-year-old French bulldog Missy was found by park-goers hiding in a makeshift bunker after her owner played Florence and the […]

Main Character Energy? This Girl In Your Class Refuses to Shut Up

May 19, 2022 Billie Chang 0

SCAND 50 — On Tuesday, excited freshman Lola Laurens readily responded to every statement made by her professor. “Mother and Father say I have to […]

Opinion: I Was Going To Make A Will Smith Joke, But I Am Afraid

March 29, 2022 Billie Chang 0

Hi all, I hope we are all aware of what transpired on Sunday, March 27th at the Dolby Theatre. It was a night that will […]

Toy Story 5 Trailer Depicts Andy’s Sex Toys Coming To Life

February 24, 2022 Billie Chang 0

HOLLYWOOD — In a surprise announcement made Tuesday morning, Pixar revealed its plans for the production of Toy Story 5. “The concept is basically the […]

Macy’s Thinks It’s About Time Deadbeat Nordstrom Hosts Parade For Once

November 25, 2021 Billie Chang 0

NEW YORK CITY — In a statement given Thursday morning, Macy’s reaffirmed its displeasure with having to throw the annual Thanksgiving Day parade, calling upon […]

  • Someone glaring at another person standing in a corner at a party

    I Lived It: The Corner I Was Going To Stand In At The Party Got Taken

    As a Mysterious Fella, it’s important for me to have a nice corner to stand in at parties. There’s really nothing like holding a clammy […]

  • Report: White Woman Lowkey Doesn’t Mind The Patriarchy

    BEVERLY HILLS— Maddie Rose Miller, a fourth-year Sociology major, CorePower Yoga instructor, and aspiring luxury real estate agent, has recently reported feeling no ill-will towards […]

  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes

    Just the other day, I was walking to campus, my fresh, virgin eyes bright and cheery, excited to see the world and all the glory […]

  • A white boy and Asian girl standing outside Marugame Udon

    White Boy With Asian Girlfriend Too Excited To Celebrate AAPI Month

    WESTWOOD — After making yet another joke about “sucking balls” while ordering boba, first-year Global Studies major Brayden Smith made an Instagram post where he […]

  • Embarrassing! Student Doesn’t Have Outfit For Victorian French Gothic Hyperpop Themed Fundrager

    WESTWOOD — This weekend, civil engineering freshman James Baeseck was humiliated as he failed to show up in theme to the unsustainable fashion club’s Victorian […]

Featured Authors

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Gabe McNeill
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
  • Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site
  • Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

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