Housing Adds “Homoerotic Tension” Option to Male Roommate Contracts

WESTWOOD — Preparing for the renewal of roommate contracts for Winter Quarter, UCLA Housing has added a “Homoerotic Tension” clause, hoping to play matchmaker. “We both selected ‘no,’ but there’s still this feeling in the air…” said first-year resident James, whose roommate, Charles, likes to kiss the homies goodnight. “Ever since housing removed my bed — and we found that note on the door that said ‘oopsies, I guess you’ll have to sleep in the same one!’ — things have just been weird.” Other new Housing policies include stereotype-sorting men into top or bottom bunks, building extra walls into Classic Triples to provide a space to be pinned up against, and accusing male friends of queerbaiting. At press time, Housing was seen giggling while reading Heartstopper fanfic.