Financial Aid Office Suggests Trying Ramen

WESTWOOD — With the COVID-19 pandemic leaving many in financial peril, the UCLA Office of Financial Aid has released an advisory statement suggesting that struggling students try ramen. “It’s hilarious how these kids submit financial aid appeals as if I read that shit,” said financial advisor Britney Edelson, who encourages students to drop in on Fridays between 12 p.m. and 1 p.m. to discuss their options (closed for lunch from 12:15 to 12:45). “What’s that? Too much sodium? Then try something else! Our beautiful campus is filled with edible acorns and flowers. We’re number one in the nation for dining for a REASON! Eat my school spirit, bitches!” In a bid to further assist students, the UCLA Career Center has released an advice pamphlet titled “How To Get A Job,” suggesting that the best way to find an internship is to have a rich uncle.

About Gillian Smith 50 Articles
Flavius Octavius Julius Gaius Septimius, known colloquially as "Gillian the Great," is the 71st emperor of Rome. Her notable achievements include winning the 2021 Maryland BOGGLE state championship and not being assassinated yet.