Bumble’s unique, women-first messaging system has made it the top dating app for progressive thinkers, bisexuals, and men who are willing to try pegging at least once. Obviously, that’s my target demographic, but there’s only one issue: when they say women have to message first, that includes me. And I have nothing to say to anyone.
It’s high time we had a version of Bumble where everyone except me is forced to start the conversation. Men have oppressed women for too long to saddle us with the biggest burden of all—small talk. And don’t get me started on non-binary people. I don’t even have the resolve to question my gender; why do you think I’d be bold enough to send a hot person a message?
Of course, there is the pesky problem of creepy dudes sending weird opening messages. But there must be a modern solution that doesn’t require me to speak to those guys, or anyone. Perhaps an AI with vibe check capabilities, or an automatic block feature that activates when the words “babygirl,” “feet,” or “Andrew Tate” are used. Anything would be better than relying on my ability to think of a good conversation starter.
For me and many other women who think Regency-era courtship rules don’t sound all that bad, Bumble makes it impossible to find a date. If the creators of the app really knew what women wanted, they would make sure we never have to actively pursue anyone. Bumble, hear my call: don’t let women message first! Unless, of course, they match with me, because lord knows I won’t be the one to get things started.