CHICAGO — Responding to investor pressures to expand its customer base, Suave announced Thursday a new 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, personal lubricant, and meal […]
LOS ANGELES — Twenty-three year old perinatal assistant Jessica Fieldman groans every time an ultrasound predicts the baby will be a Gemini. “I just can’t […]
NEW YORK, NY— Following the massive success of the second season of “Euphoria,” A24 announced the release of a new line of drugs inspired by […]
WESTWOOD — In what has now become a mass-casualty event, Christopher Nolan has nuked the UCLA campus for a 5-second B-reel scene in his new […]
With the most stressful weeks of the quarter beginning, it’s important you’re prepared for the onslaught of hate, both from within and without. Here are […]
We all know how it goes. You run out of masks or printer ink or clean underwear, and you need more ASAP. There’s only one […]
WESTWOOD — Off-campus student Jess Rodgers expressed frustration Tuesday after learning that Earth did not have dining halls everywhere and that she needed to find […]
LONDON — Sources revealed early Tuesday morning that Queen Elizabeth II is a product of nepotism. “I looked her up on Wikipedia and her parents’ […]
LOS ANGELES — Soon after receiving record-high ratings for its second season, Euphoria show-runner Sam Levinson announced a prequel show set in preschool. “We’re really […]
HOLLYWOOD — In a surprise announcement made Tuesday morning, Pixar revealed its plans for the production of Toy Story 5. “The concept is basically the […]
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