CHICAGO — Responding to investor pressures to expand its customer base, Suave announced Thursday a new 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, personal lubricant, and meal replacement shake. “Are you not entertained?” asked Suave CEO Jeff Conrad in the shareholder meeting, moments before grabbing a bottle of Suave 5-in-1, taking a huge swig, squirting the remainder all over his hair and body, and then jumping into a dry Slip ’N Slide. “Ow, Jesus—I was supposed to slide,” added a motionless Conrad. At press time, Conrad was in the hospital getting his stomach pumped and head shaved.
About Brandon Wang 13 Articles
Brandon Wang lives in Westwood with his adopted son Macaulay Culkin. His hobbies include enabling.