Room Temperature Water Sends UCLA Student Into Anaphylactic Shock
WESTWOOD — Third-year English student Cody Carter was rushed to Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center on Friday after sipping room temperature water that he mistook […]
Life
Area Man’s Art Still Sucks Despite Depression Diagnosis
PORTLAND, OR — After several unlucky years spent developing his craft, things were finally starting to look up for local painter Chuck Picasso (no relation) […]
Only Time Student Pays Attention to Tell Professor Mic Not Working
WESTWOOD — Second-year biology major Jennifer McGonnifer unmuted herself during a Zoom lecture on Wednesday to tell the professor his audio was not working, although […]
UCLA Campus Available To Sublet Spring Quarter, Utilities Included
WESTWOOD — At 3 a.m. PST Monday morning, the UCLA Board of Directors released a statement on the “UCLA Free And For Sale” Facebook page […]
Op-Ed: I’m Tired Of Writing Fluff Pieces For The Westwood Enabler
As a member of the premiere satirical newspaper at UCLA, I personally feel like I’m being held back. I know I got what it takes […]
Democrats Negotiate Stimulus Checks Down To $10 Starbucks Gift Card
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press conference this morning, Senate Democrats announced that the long-awaited stimulus checks will take the form of a $10 Starbucks […]
Top 3 Ways Besides COVID to Kill Your Grandma This Thanksgiving
Listen, we at the Westwood Enabler get it — you want to travel home to your family for Thanksgiving dinner this year. You probably miss […]
Respectful Fourth-Year Only Dates First-Years 18 Or Older
WESTWOOD — According to a source close to him, fourth-year biology major Josh Winfrey has chosen to respect the women at UCLA and only date […]
Area Man Enters Hour Three of Describing Music Taste
WESTWOOD — Third-year film student Doug Babcock has been filibustering a real conversation for three hours now, after an acquaintance made the mistake of asking […]
Daddy LongLegs Divorces Mommy LongLegs
ITSY BITSY WEB, CA — After almost four months of marriage, Daddy LongLegs is filing for divorce, citing Mommy LongLegs’ condescending tone and her attempts […]