Bruinwalk Review Says Your Mom’s A Hoe
BRUINWALK.COM — Last quarter, a Bruinwalk reviewer explained in detail that your mother was a solicitor of money in exchange for sexual intercourse.”Well, that’s just […]
Articles by Arman
Oh No! The Girl You Like Is An Active GroupMe Participant
WESTWOOD — Third-year Calvin Brown was disheartened upon joining his class GroupMe and seeing more than ten messages from his crush Emily Lee. “You really […]
Biden: Build Back Better Westwood Chipotle
WESTWOOD— With the collapse of Biden’s Build Back Better congressional agenda, the President has sought to deliver on his campaign platform through a proposal sure […]
Crisis? We Haven’t Bombed The Middle East In A While
PENTAGON — The United States has not conducted large-scale drone strikes in a Middle Eastern country since 2021, prompting concerns that the nation’s military leaders […]
Off-Campus Students Realize They Have To Feed Themselves To Live
WESTWOOD — Off-campus student Jess Rodgers expressed frustration Tuesday after learning that Earth did not have dining halls everywhere and that she needed to find […]
Tom Brady Taking Gap Year
TAMPA — After 22 years in the NFL, veteran quarterback Tom Brady has announced that he will be leaving the game of football. “I don’t […]
Student Saves Time To Stare At Wall By Watching Lectures At Double Speed
WESTWOOD — This year’s Omicron crisis has pushed many students into busy remote schedules, forcing them to listen to lectures at double speed to preserve […]
4 Reasons Why You Don’t Deserve To Register In That Class You Need To Graduate
You really thought you were out of here. How naïve you were, going on your Class Planner, just begging for a spot to open up […]
Report: Jackhammers In Westwood Only Work Between 4 A.M. And 8 A.M.
WESTWOOD — A new study from the Los Angeles Public Works Department found that jackhammers in the Westwood neighborhood can only operate in the wee […]
Weird! All Covid Spit Tests Sent Directly To Gene Block’s Office
WESTWOOD — Hundreds of boxes of COVID vending machine spit tests — some opened — have been discovered in Chancellor Gene Block’s office. “As Chancellor, […]