The Westwood Enabler
  • Home
  • News
    • Campus
    • National
    • International
  • Opinion
  • A&E
  • Sports
  • Graphics
    • News In Pictures
    • Infographics
  • Life
  • About
    • Staff
    • Join
    • Contact

Articles by Brandon Wang

mm
About Brandon Wang
Brandon Wang lives in Westwood with his adopted son Macaulay Culkin. His hobbies include enabling.

Feel Old Yet? The Universe Was Created 8,000 Years Ago

May 21, 2022 Brandon Wang 0

OMAHA — Scientists discovered Thursday that the universe was created 8,000 years ago. “Feel old yet? God, that’s such a long time,” said chief astrophysicist […]

Suave Announces 5-in-1 Shampoo, Conditioner, Body Wash, Lube, And Meal Replacement

March 21, 2022 Brandon Wang 0

CHICAGO — Responding to investor pressures to expand its customer base, Suave announced Thursday a new 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, personal lubricant, and meal […]

Study Shows Too Much Weed Causes Memory Loss, May Also Cause Memory Loss

February 12, 2022 Brandon Wang 0

WESTWOOD— A new study out of UCLA has shown that consuming too much marijuana causes memory loss, and it may also cause memory loss. Wait, […]

Uh Oh! The Mormons Won The Religion Lottery And Everyone Else Is Getting Waterboarded By Satan

January 20, 2022 Brandon Wang 0

SALT LAKE CITY — Making His first public appearance in millennia, God announced Sunday that the Mormons had won the religion lottery for eternal bliss, […]

Safety Legends! This Restaurant Switched Their Food To QR Codes

January 13, 2022 Brandon Wang 0

LOS ANGELES — Public health officials clapped when local restaurant Joe’s Burgers, already having replaced its paper menus with QR codes, doubled down on safety […]

Abstract Painting Not All That Impressed By You Either

January 3, 2022 Brandon Wang 0

LOS ANGELES — Sources told the Enabler Tuesday that the abstract painting you saw wasn’t all that impressed by you either. “Yeah, my four-year-old could […]

Heartwarming! This Man Wakes Up Every Morning And Finds Out He’s President

December 23, 2021 Brandon Wang 0

WASHINGTON, DC — In what can only be described as a heartwarming break from the nation’s political drama, sources confirmed Monday that every morning Joe […]

Congress Declares Nuclear War On Climate Change

December 20, 2021 Brandon Wang 0

WASHINGTON — In an unprecedented bipartisan move, both the Senate and the House of Representatives unanimously voted Wednesday in favor of declaring nuclear war against […]

Solar System Tired Of Planning Student’s Next Downward Spiral

December 13, 2021 Brandon Wang 0

MILKY WAY — The solar system announced Saturday that it had really had enough of planning third-year psychology major Natalie Jones’s next downward spiral. “People […]

Report: “Bruin Bear” Kind Of Redundant

December 7, 2021 Brandon Wang 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA scientists discovered Wednesday that the iconic Bruin Bear statue between Ackerman and Wooden was kind of redundantly named. “It turns out the […]

Posts navigation

1 2 »

Ivory Search

Featured Authors

Lily Kiamanesh
  • BREAKING: Everyone Who Commented “pls admit me” On UCLA’s Instagram Was Just Accepted
  • “PU!” And 3 Other Things Not To Say To Your Grandma At Her Wake
  • Opinion: Your Sleeping Roommate Doesn’t Matter

ARCHIVES

RECOMMENDED

  • Generous Airline Passenger Offers Half Of Armrest In Exchange For Six Hours Of Touching

    April 18, 2022 0
  • “&$@!,” And Four Other Things You Really Shouldn’t Say

    April 16, 2022 0
  • Therapists Hate Her!

    April 14, 2022 0
  • Amazing! Area Man Eyeballs Correct Amount Of Pasta For Two People

    April 13, 2022 0
  • Anonymous Invasive Carp Destroys Google Docs Ecosystem

    April 12, 2022 0
FOLLOW US
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
ARCHIVES

Copyright © 2022 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes