Gene Block Re-Releases 8 Clap (10 Minute Version)
WESTWOOD — Following UCLA football’s victory over USC, Gene Block has re-released a 10 minute version of UCLA’s 8 clap. “Stream now on Spotify, Apple […]
Life
Reagan Medical Center To Offer Free Antidepressants To Happy Students In Hopes Of Trickle Down Effect
WESTWOOD — Ronald Reagan Medical Center will give antidepressants to happy students in hopes of wellness “trickling down” to their depressed counterparts. “Guided by the […]
Thanksgiving Dinner Ruined By Grandpa’s Politics, And His Musty Fucking Breath
HOME — Grandpa Max ruined his family’s annual thanksgiving dinner by bringing up his insensitive antiquated politics and by having really smelly breath. “I think […]
Macy’s Thinks It’s About Time Deadbeat Nordstrom Hosts Parade For Once
NEW YORK CITY — In a statement given Thursday morning, Macy’s reaffirmed its displeasure with having to throw the annual Thanksgiving Day parade, calling upon […]
Thanksgiving Renamed To White Thursday
WASHINGTON — In the spirit of color coordination and honoring our colonial past, the White House has announced that Thanksgiving will be renamed White Thursday. […]
“It’s Giving: Thanks,” And Other Hip Phrases To Win Over Your 13-Year-Old Cousin At Thanksgiving
It’s almost time for Thanksgiving, which means a well-deserved respite from the quarter system: going home, eating delicious food, and reflecting on the plethora of […]
Skater Decides Walking Would Have Looked Way Cooler Than Wiping Out On Bruin Walk
WESTWOOD — After wiping out on Bruin Walk, skater Ken Bone decided he would have looked a lot cooler if he had walked instead. “At […]
Student-Athletes Spotted Sleeping, Showering In UCLA-Branded Backpacks
WESTWOOD — Reports of student-athletes never taking off their black UCLA backpacks have been on the rise as campus has returned to in-person instruction. “No […]
Almost Getting Trampled, And Other UCLA Student Activities You Must Do Before Graduating
With a hustlin’ and bustlin’ campus filled with over 30,000 undergraduate students, it can be hard to keep track of all UCLA has to offer, […]
Goldman Sachs Recruiters Use Picture Of Female Employee Twice On Diversity Slide
NEW YORK — This past week, recruiters at a Goldman Sachs information session were caught using the same image of a woman twice on a […]