Macy’s Thinks It’s About Time Deadbeat Nordstrom Hosts Parade For Once

NEW YORK CITY — In a statement given Thursday morning, Macy’s reaffirmed its displeasure with having to throw the annual Thanksgiving Day parade, calling upon Nordstrom to host for once. “We reach out every year to see if Nordstrom could help handle some of the burden of Thanksgiving, but they always refuse,” said the disgruntled department store, frantically assembling a “Peanuts”-themed parade float. “Do you know how hard it is to blow up a 70 foot turkey balloon all by yourself? Now try doing 30 of them!” Reports emerging at press time confirm that while Nordstrom did in fact make an appearance 20 into the parade, it left soon after to “grab some brewskies” with its buddy JCPenney.