Thanksgiving Renamed To White Thursday

WASHINGTON — In the spirit of color coordination and honoring our colonial past, the White House has announced that Thanksgiving will be renamed White Thursday. “Black Friday? What about us whites, where’s our day?” said White House press secretary Jen Psaki on behalf of Joe Biden, who had fallen asleep in his “Grandpaps only!” recliner. “We feel that the nation has begun to misconstrue what the holiday is actually about: the pilgrims arriving in America and purifying our beautiful country.” At press time, Mitch McConnell was seen slipping out of a Jen Psaki skinsuit behind the Oval Office.