The Westwood Enabler
  • Home
  • News
    • Campus
    • National
    • International
  • Opinion
    • Point/Counterpoint
  • Listicle
  • A&E
    • Arts
    • Celebrities
    • Culture
    • Trend Watch
  • Sports
  • Life
    • Roommates
  • Graphics
    • News In Pictures
    • Infographics
  • About
    • Staff
    • Join
    • Contact
  • Store

Articles by Bella Dunham

Bruin Bear And Cocaine Bear Elope

March 16, 2023 Bella Dunham 0

BOGOTA, COLUMBIA — Cocaine Bear and Joe Bruin tied the knot this weekend in Columbia, according to sources close to the couple. The nuptials were […]

Chipotle To Require Credit Check Before Adding Guac

March 15, 2023 Bella Dunham 0

WESTWOOD — Chipotle announced Tuesday that they will be partnering with Credit Karma to run expedited credit checks on all customers attempting to add guac […]

Freshman Breaks Off Long Distance Relationship With Mom

November 7, 2022 Bella Dunham 0

WESTWOOD— Freshman Joe Maman made the tricky decision Monday morning to break things off with his long-distance mother. “She wants to call me every day […]

Gene Block Drops Out Of Race For Prime Minister

October 25, 2022 Bella Dunham 0

10 GAYLEY ST — UCLA Chancellor Gene Block announced Tuesday that he will be withdrawing himself from consideration as leader of the Labour Party and […]

Pinocchio Discovers Real World, No Longer Wants To Be Real Boy

June 18, 2022 Bella Dunham 0

TUSCANY — Pinocchio, despite his lifelong wish to become a real boy, has announced he rescinds his statement and would like to become a wooden […]

Report! Stonehenge Only Epic Thing White People Have Ever Done

May 26, 2022 Bella Dunham 0

UNITED KINGDOM — A new report out of Exeter University claims to have proven that Stonehenge is the only epic thing to ever be done […]

Lewis And Clark Vibes? Your Comedy Club Completed A Half-Mile Hike

May 2, 2022 Bella Dunham 0

FRAZIER PARK, CA — Despite the rough terrain and inappropriate footwear, your comedy club completed a half-mile hike Saturday afternoon. “Like Lewis and Clark, we […]

Gender Studies Professor Reports Attendance Optional, Jade Eggs Mandatory

April 20, 2022 Bella Dunham 0

WESTWOOD — Gender Studies 10 Professor John Camp announced that while attendance is optional for his course, jade eggs will be firmly mandatory. “Given the […]

Student-Athletes Spotted Sleeping, Showering In UCLA-Branded Backpacks

November 18, 2021 Bella Dunham 0

WESTWOOD — Reports of student-athletes never taking off their black UCLA backpacks have been on the rise as campus has returned to in-person instruction. “No […]

  • Man standing in a mirror maze, pointing to reflections of himself. He looks very bewildered.

    Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way

    HELL — Following a trip to the local mirror maze, resident genius Leon Noel scoffed at all the morons in there going the wrong direction. […]

  • Julio Frenk’s “Listening Exercise” Is Cuck Play Where He Listens To Me And My Lover Through The Door

    Dear Bruin Community: Since Julio began his listening exercise in February, I have met with 29 men and women, and more than 5,000 non-binary baristas, […]

  • Idiot Moron Claps At Poetry Reading

    WESTWOOD — This morning, fourth-year American literature and culture major Emily Yonicson humiliated herself and her family as she clapped, not snapped, at a local […]

  • Heartbreaking! Invisible Lesbian Unable To Celebrate Lesbian Visibility Week

    WESTWOOD — After attempting to participate in the LGBTQ Campus Resource Center’s event for Lesbian Visibility Week, one lesbian was deeply disappointed by the center’s […]

  • “Sperm Racing” Event to Take Place in Communal Bathroom Shower Stall

Featured Authors

mm
Gabe McNeill
  • Opinion: They Should Let The New Pope Have Gay Sex Once So He Can See If It Should Still Be Banned Or Not
  • Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way
  • Report: Straightest Woman You Know Won’t Stop Calling Boyfriend “Fruity”
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

ARCHIVES

RECOMMENDED

  • Roommates Nationwide Participate in “Never Leave Your Fucking Bed” Challenge

    April 14, 2025 0
  • Admitted freshmen on the Janss Steps for Bruin Day

    Bruin Day Tour Group Throws Peanuts At Students

    April 12, 2025 0
  • OPINION: Useless Sproul Laundry Machines Can’t Even Make Me Cum

    April 11, 2025 0
  • “Bruintizing” To Be Replaced With Getting Hit By A Scooter

    April 10, 2025 0
  • Trend Watch: Withdrawing All Your Money From The Bank

    April 9, 2025 0

Copyright © 2025 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes