Local Woman Finally Decides To Settle Down And Adopt A Highway
THE 101 — In an inspiring story out of Los Angeles, 32-year-old feminist Simone Hedrick has made the brave decision to finally settle down and […]
Articles by Hanna Barlow
Geezer Alert! This UCLA Student Just Said “Covel” Instead Of “Epicuria”
WESTWOOD RETIREMENT HOME — Alleged UCLA student Trevor Child unintentionally revealed his true, prehistoric identity this week when he used the antiquated term “Covel” instead […]
UCLA Announces Masks Now Optional, Also Pants
BRUINWALK — UCLA has announced that, beginning April 11, students will no longer be required to wear masks — nor pants. “I’m so excited to […]
Doctors Hate Her! Local Woman Says “AWOOGA” Instead Of “Ahhh” At Every Checkup
LOS ANGELES — Just this week, several Los Angeles doctors came forward to detail their uncomfortable experiences with local woman Riley Coyote, who says “AWOOGA” […]
Westwood Celebrates Lunar New Year by Adding 24th New Boba Shop
WESTWOOD — As a celebration of the Lunar New Year, the Westwood Neighborhood Council has approved the addition of a 24th new boba shop in […]
Gene Block Sees Shadow, 6 More Weeks Of Online School
WESTWOOD— Yesterday morning, UCLA Chancellor Gene Block emerged out of his burrow and saw his own shadow, thus dooming UCLA students to six more weeks […]
“He’s Cuter In Person,” And Other Lies To Tell Your Friends About Him
Girly, we’ve all been there. You start talking to a new guy and you’re eager to gab with your girlfriends about this new potential mans […]
Frats Boycott COVID “Rapid” Tests, Claim 15 Minutes Is A Substantial Amount Of Time To Last
WESTWOOD— The John Wooden Center’s recent facilitation of rapid COVID-19 tests was met with heavy resistance this week, as several local fraternities protested the implication […]
Heartwarming! Virgins Across Nation Come Together Each Day To Guess Five Letter Word
U.S.A. — Thanks to the latest online craze, Wordle, virgins from coast to coast are bonding over the exciting opportunity to guess a new five-letter […]
5’8” Men Now Listing “One Tom Holland” As Height On Tinder
LOS ANGELES — Following the release of “Spiderman: No Way Home,” data scientists at Tinder report that men who are 5’8” are now changing their […]