“PU!” And 3 Other Things Not To Say To Your Grandma At Her Wake
There’s a fine line between witty and worrisome at important events such as the wake of your grandmother, so here are four things not to […]
Life
2,022 Things To Look Forward To In 2022
2021 has wrapped up and we are now in a new year. Change can be scary, so here is a list of 2,022 things that […]
4 Reasons Why You Don’t Deserve To Register In That Class You Need To Graduate
You really thought you were out of here. How naïve you were, going on your Class Planner, just begging for a spot to open up […]
Report: Use Of Word “Unprecedented” Spiking
SEATTLE — As the Omicron variant ravages through the country, top language researchers have noticed a second surge of the word “unprecedented.” “It’s as if […]
Woke Guy Prefaces Oral Sex With Acknowledgement We Are On Indigenous Land
WESTWOOD — On Friday evening, local ‘woke’ man and third-year global studies major Jack Stoop prefaced oral sex with an acknowledgement that we are on […]
4th Year Philosophy Student Incapable Of Producing Original Thought
WESTWOOD — After years of studying nothing but theory, fourth year Philosophy student Mark Li had to be informed that he was incapable of producing […]
Gruntled Employee Brings In Cupcakes
PHOENIX— Law enforcement responded to a call this morning from the Phoenix Post Office after Joanne Baker, a gruntled former employee, brought in cupcakes. “Once […]
Local Woman Takes Back Night By Asking Mom If She Really Needs Second Helping
LOS ANGELES — This Christmas, Ellie Smith is taking back the night by asking her mom if she really needs that second helping. “This is […]
Heartwarming! This Man Wakes Up Every Morning And Finds Out He’s President
WASHINGTON, DC — In what can only be described as a heartwarming break from the nation’s political drama, sources confirmed Monday that every morning Joe […]
5’8” Men Now Listing “One Tom Holland” As Height On Tinder
LOS ANGELES — Following the release of “Spiderman: No Way Home,” data scientists at Tinder report that men who are 5’8” are now changing their […]