WESTWOOD — On Friday evening, local ‘woke’ man and third-year global studies major Jack Stoop prefaced oral sex with an acknowledgement that we are on indigenous land. “Hey, just before you’re completely underwhelmed by what I’m about to do, I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge that we are on the ancestral lands of the Tongva and Chumash peoples, who were dispossessed of their land by colonial forces,” said Stoop, minutes prior to his second monologue on his life-threatening latex allergy. “It’s just really important to me that, before taking our relationship to the next level, I do an appropriate amount of virtue signaling and social justice posturing.” At press time, Stoop could be heard interrupting female reporters while loudly pontificating about his “vital” role in the post-modern feminist struggle.
About Tatiana Davidson 14 Articles
Putin's second least favorite Jewish comedian.