Report: Use Of Word “Unprecedented” Spiking

SEATTLE — As the Omicron variant ravages through the country, top language researchers have noticed a second surge of the word “unprecedented.” “It’s as if the word has completely lost its meaning,” says University of Washington linguistic professor Rod Ingram, whose emails now include the word more than the first wave of Covid in 2020. “However, once again we’re seeing people use phrases like ‘stay safe’ and ‘I hope you’re doing well.’ I think the past couple years have shown us how empathetic and caring Americans truly are.” At press time, Professor Ingram was assuring his students that in-person instruction will definitely return in two weeks and not the more likely two years.

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Hobby satirist turned published comedy extraordinaire.