“It Rhymes with Schmivorce” And Four Other Ways To Break The News To Your Kids
It’s never easy to tell your kids that mommy and daddy are getting a divorce. Between the tears, the pleas for reconciliation, and a lawsuit […]
comedy
Student Offered $1 Million Grant After Sending Professor The Perfect Email
WESTWOOD — Sophomore biology student, Cindy Sheraton, is celebrating the opportunity of a lifetime after receiving the William F. Buckley Memorial Prize for an exceptional […]
Mom Who Gave You Eating Disorder Has No Idea Why Everyone In Therapy These Days
LOS ANGELES — On Saturday evening, your mother who definitely gave you an eating disorder announced her disbelief at the number of your friends who […]
Generational Trauma? Mom Looks Kind Of Sad
HOME — Your mother was seen looking sad on Monday evening, leading family members to believe she was suffering from the impact of generational trauma. […]
Lewis And Clark Vibes? Your Comedy Club Completed A Half-Mile Hike
FRAZIER PARK, CA — Despite the rough terrain and inappropriate footwear, your comedy club completed a half-mile hike Saturday afternoon. “Like Lewis and Clark, we […]
Gene Block Opens New Filing Place For Student Petitions
WESTWOOD — Campus is at a complete standstill as news travels of the newest student-curated petition accomplishing nothing. “When will these dumb fuckin’ kids learn?” […]
Jack Nicholson Found Alive At 85
LOS ANGELES — According to various sources, Jack Nicholson, the actor best known for his roles in iconic films like The Shining and Chinatown, was […]
Student Requesting Extension Types Transcript of Recent Therapy Session In Email
WESTWOOD — Third-year political science major Jeffrey Trabor included the transcript of his recent therapy session in an email to his TA requesting an extension. […]
Oops, Grandma Ate A Plastic Egg And Now We’re Praying For A Second Resurrection
USC MEDICAL CENTER — Bringing a tragic end to a day of religious festivities, Grandma ate a plastic egg, and now we’re asking God in […]
Therapists Hate Her!
WESTWOOD — Sources suggested Monday that therapists really hate Molly Johnson, 24, of Westwood. “She comes in every week and apologizes if she sounds annoying,” […]