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Articles by Maya Chatrathi

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About Maya Chatrathi
Having only recently gained sentience, Maya Chatrathi is working twice as hard to get up to speed. Please be patient with her through this adjustment period.

New Study Shows This Other Gorilla Seriously Starting To Piss Me Off

June 7, 2024 Maya Chatrathi 0

CENTRAL AFRICA — A new study from the jungle has found that this other gorilla is seriously starting to piss me off. “Stop copying me!” […]

Top Five Books That Could’ve Been An Email

May 14, 2024 Maya Chatrathi 0

To Whom It May Concern, In today’s world, clear and concise communication is more important than ever. Electronic messaging has revolutionized almost every aspect of […]

Generous UCLA Admin Gives Week Off For Students To Process Drake-Kendrick Feud

May 8, 2024 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — In a move that exemplifies the generosity and kindness they are known for, the UCLA administration announced on Monday that they would give […]

Breaking: Every Celebrity Has Now Appeared On Every Other Celebrity’s Podcast, Lifting The Curse And Freeing Us All

April 29, 2024 Maya Chatrathi 0

LOS ANGELES — In a development that is sure to bring about nationwide revelry, every single celebrity has now appeared on every other celebrity’s podcast, […]

Meant To Be: The Cruel And Beautiful Strings Of Fate Have Caused Our Paths To Cross On This Four-Way Crosswalk

April 13, 2024 Maya Chatrathi 0

Hello again, stranger. It’s funny, isn’t it? How life works. Despite meeting mere moments ago, our bodies are now locked in an ancient ritual, performing […]

Guy Who’s Not Happy To See You Just Has Banana In Pocket

March 15, 2024 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — Area man Jeremy Bentham clarified Tuesday that he was not, in fact, aroused by your presence, and that the bulge in his pants […]

Filthy Stinking Liar Doesn’t Actually Have To Sneeze

March 12, 2024 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — Local student and wretched deceiver Al Ergiess showed his true colors on Wednesday when he appeared to prepare for a sneeze that ultimately […]

Woman Unpleasant To Talk To Even After She’s Had Her Coffee

March 1, 2024 Maya Chatrathi 0

LOS ANGELES — Linda Caprice, a 43-year-old mother of two and proud owner of a “Don’t Talk To Me Until I’ve Had My Coffee” mug, […]

Gene block in fisherman's garb on a small wooden boat

Gene Block Gathering Two Of Each Major For Ark

February 5, 2024 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — Following the historic rains and flood warnings in Los Angeles, it was reported late Sunday night that UCLA chancellor Gene Block has begun […]

Former Plane-Seat-Kicking Baby Now Lecture-Seat-Kicking Adult

January 23, 2024 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — The student who keeps kicking your seat during lecture recently disclosed that he has been training for this moment since he was a […]

Posts pagination

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  • Julio Frenk Takes “Fuck the Police” Seriously, Last Seen Naked In Royce Hall

    WESTWOOD — After a recent protest marched up to Murphy Hall, home of the office of the chancellor, Julio Frenk decided to hear out the […]

  • “Counting To 10” And Other Woke Ideologies Sesame Street Is Using To Indoctrinate Your Kids

    Well, it’s official: President Trump has signed an executive order cutting funding to PBS. And thank the canonically white God, because the hit kids’ show […]

  • UCPD Relapses After Suffering Arrest Withdrawals

    WESTWOOD – Last night, UCPD relapsed in their ongoing addiction to arresting innocent students by violently swarming a movie screening and arresting two attendees. “The […]

  • UCPD Arrests Student For Thinking About Palestine

    WESTWOOD — UCPD officers reported that their week of sitting on their asses at Royce has finally proven useful as they arrested a passerby for […]

  • Man standing in a mirror maze, pointing to reflections of himself. He looks very bewildered.

    Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way

    HELL — Following a trip to the local mirror maze, resident genius Leon Noel scoffed at all the morons in there going the wrong direction. […]

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