Report: Local Sleepyhead Takes Another Little Nap
MASTER BEDROOM – Reports have shown that local sleepyhead E. C. Scrooge is yet again snoozing, dozing, and drifting off to sleep. “Hnnknnkkkkkk… mi mi […]
Pope Says Blood Of Christ Should Go Through Brita
VATICAN CITY — Word has come down today from Pope Francis that all Catholics should be filtering the Blood of Christ through a Brita before […]
Opinion: I Don’t Need A Halloween Costume If I’ve Never Truly Been Myself
I love October. Changing leaves on every tree, pumpkins on every stoop, and Trader Joe’s butternut squash mac and cheese in every student’s freezer. But […]
Corset Factory Employees To Unionize In Light Of Halloween
LOS ANGELES – As Halloween nears, corset factory employees are threatening to unionize after working tirelessly for months producing the season’s most sought-after accessory: corsets. […]
Fraternity Announces Only Moms Are Invited To Party This Weekend
WESTWOOD — Your mom and dad just called, and they’re coming to visit you for Parents’ Weekend. Unfortunately for you, it’s also Halloweekend: arguably the […]
5 Effortless Halloween Costumes That Are Quirky, Sexy, Aesthetic, Funny, Cool, Hot, Goofy, Fun, and Chill
We know how much pressure coming up with a good costume for Halloween is. This spooky season, we at the Westwood Enabler have the quirkiest, […]
UCLA Diverts Money From CAPS For New Affirmations Menu At B-Plate
WESTWOOD— UCLA has diverted funds from Counseling and Psychological Services to launch a new data-driven affirmations menu at B-Plate. “When our 2019 collab with Beyonce […]
Gene Block Drops Out Of Race For Prime Minister
10 GAYLEY ST — UCLA Chancellor Gene Block announced Tuesday that he will be withdrawing himself from consideration as leader of the Labour Party and […]
Professor Requiring Students To Purchase Her Divorce Memoir
WESTWOOD — Students in Professor Carol Williams’ Chemistry class were dismayed to learn Tuesday that 75% of their grade would consist of reading quizzes on […]
Area Dog Puts Human As Last Tinder Profile Picture
WESTWOOF — Local pup Daw Gee took to the streets Monday and made a Tinder for himself, making sure to put a shot of his […]