How To Have The Perfect Valentine’s Day In College
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner! Whether you’re in a relationship or still waiting for that Special Someone, here are some tips for having […]
Satirical Newspaper Shamelessly Promotes Own Bake Sale
WWW.WESTWOODENABLER.COM—Withholding all regard for professionalism and self-respect, satirical newspaper “The Westwood Enabler” published an article about its Valentine’s Day bake sale today, an act […]
Tips For Finding Next Year’s Roommate
It’s that time of year again! Here are the Enabler’s tips for finding the perfect roommate. Reassure potential roommates by explaining the ways in which […]
Op-Ed: I’m Pretty Sure That Zayn’s New Single Is About The Magical Night We Spent Together
As everyone who’s anyone knows, the literal GOD who is Zayn Malik released his first solo single Friday. Following its release, two things have come […]
Op-Ed: Iowa, Explained By The Most Popular Girl In Middle School
When I got to school on Monday, everyone was talking about Iowa. Great. last time I checked, I was the cool new girl who worked her way […]
Pita Chips Just An Excuse To Eat 7 Oz Of Hummus
LOS ANGELES — Local woman Evita Jacobs confirmed last Friday that the bag of pita chips she had purchased was just an excuse to eat […]
Discriminatory Grading Policy Favors Students That Work Harder
WESTWOOD—Allegations of widespread discrimination favoring harder-working students in the University of California system arose Monday. “Not only are certain students more likely to get higher […]
Local Motorist Turns Left NOW!
WESTWOOD—After several moments of deep, pensive internal debate, local woman Ann Campbell has decided that right now, with a red light and several pedestrians blocking […]
Area Woman Shazams DMV Hold Music
LOS ANGELES — Citing the incredible variety of smooth jazz that she heard while on hold for nearly 45 minutes today, local woman Susan Foreman […]