The Westwood Enabler
  • Home
  • On The Paper
  • News
    • Campus
    • National
    • International
  • Opinion
    • Point/Counterpoint
  • Listicle
  • A&E
    • Arts
    • Celebrities
    • Culture
    • Trend Watch
  • Sports
  • Graphics
    • News In Pictures
    • Infographics
  • About
    • Staff
    • Join
    • Contact
  • Store

Articles by Enabler Staff

National Guard Officer Also Bummed Westwood Village Doesn’t Have Shit To Do

June 9, 2025 Enabler Staff 0

WESTWOOD — After the National Guard entered Westwood Village yesterday afternoon, many soldiers were disappointed to find out that there was nothing to do in […]

Opinion: Prisons MUST Be Abolished

December 9, 2024 Enabler Staff 0

Diversity Win! Woman In STEM Also Soulless

October 19, 2024 Aubrey Garcia 0

WESTWOOD — The UCLA Office of Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion’s recent review on gender disparities in STEM reached the conclusion that the women in STEM […]

Twelve Bike Cops Injured, Two Dead After Attempt To Arrest Ackerman Flood

October 17, 2024 Enabler Staff 0

WESTWOOD — After Ackerman and half of campus has been flooded, the leader of UCLA’s bicycle strike force is being blamed for its failure to […]

Opinion: Dear Covel Pianists, La La Land Won’t Heal Your Heartache

June 2, 2024 Grace Swenson 0

I get it. It’s the score of dreamers. If a flash mob were to break out in Ackerman, we could all imitate the choreography of […]

TA Worried Strike Will Impact Weapons Manufacturing Job

May 15, 2024 Enabler Staff 0

WESTWOOD — As another TA strike seems imminent, some graduate students are more hesitant to support the cause. “It’s not like these foreign wars have […]

Biz Econ Major Excited To Commit White-Collar Crimes

April 4, 2024 Alyssa Wong 0

WESTWOOD — Fourth-year business economics major Bordan Jelfort announced today that after years of experience in petty crime, he now intends to pursue a fruitful […]

“People Take Notes On This?” Asks North Campus Student Who Only Uses iPad For Porn

February 13, 2024 Enabler Staff 0

WESTWOOD — As iPads become the note-taking tool of choice for STEM majors, humanities students are not so quick to jump on the bandwagon — […]

Coughers In Your Lecture Actually Experimental A Cappella Group

December 5, 2023 Alyssa Wong 0

WESTWOOD – In an exclusive Westwood Enabler interview, third-year physiological science major Ian Fluenza, spokesperson for the coughers in your lecture, announced that everyone coughing […]

Debt Collectors Find Powell Cat Alive in the Cayman Islands

December 5, 2023 Fiona Ruane 0

CAYMAN ISLANDS — After his presumed death last March, debt collectors have found Powell Cat alive and well, sipping on Mai Tais in the Cayman […]

Posts pagination

1 2 … 4 »

  • A white boy and Asian girl standing outside Marugame Udon

    White Boy With Asian Girlfriend Too Excited To Celebrate AAPI Month

    WESTWOOD — After making yet another joke about “sucking balls” while ordering boba, first-year Global Studies major Brayden Smith made an Instagram post where he […]

  • Embarrassing! Student Doesn’t Have Outfit For Victorian French Gothic Hyperpop Themed Fundrager

    WESTWOOD — This weekend, civil engineering freshman James Baeseck was humiliated as he failed to show up in theme to the unsustainable fashion club’s Victorian […]

  • Report: Never Trust How You Feel About Your Life From 12AM To 11:59PM

    WESTWOOD — A new study from UCLA’s Student Anxiety and Depression (SAD) laboratory recommends to never trust anything you think about your life from 12:00 […]

  • Secretary of Defense Announces That Only The “Boy Lesbians” Will Be Eligible for Future Drafts

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Commenting on the draft eligibility of American women, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth announced that only the “boy lesbians” would be eligible. […]

  • Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site

    Dear Julio Frenk, UCLA has been under a lot of controversy lately. The encampments and the mob attack on them, the cops everywhere, deportations, budget […]

Featured Authors

mm
Gabe McNeill
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
  • Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site
  • Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

ARCHIVES

RECOMMENDED

  • Julio Frenk Takes “Fuck the Police” Seriously, Last Seen Naked In Royce Hall

    May 5, 2025 0
  • “Counting To 10” And Other Woke Ideologies Sesame Street Is Using To Indoctrinate Your Kids

    May 2, 2025 0
  • UCPD Relapses After Suffering Arrest Withdrawals

    May 1, 2025 0
  • UCPD Arrests Student For Thinking About Palestine

    April 30, 2025 0
  • Man standing in a mirror maze, pointing to reflections of himself. He looks very bewildered.

    Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way

    April 29, 2025 0

Copyright © 2025 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes