National Guard Officer Also Bummed Westwood Village Doesn’t Have Shit To Do
WESTWOOD — After the National Guard entered Westwood Village yesterday afternoon, many soldiers were disappointed to find out that there was nothing to do in […]
Articles by Enabler Staff
Diversity Win! Woman In STEM Also Soulless
WESTWOOD — The UCLA Office of Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion’s recent review on gender disparities in STEM reached the conclusion that the women in STEM […]
Twelve Bike Cops Injured, Two Dead After Attempt To Arrest Ackerman Flood
WESTWOOD — After Ackerman and half of campus has been flooded, the leader of UCLA’s bicycle strike force is being blamed for its failure to […]
Opinion: Dear Covel Pianists, La La Land Won’t Heal Your Heartache
I get it. It’s the score of dreamers. If a flash mob were to break out in Ackerman, we could all imitate the choreography of […]
TA Worried Strike Will Impact Weapons Manufacturing Job
WESTWOOD — As another TA strike seems imminent, some graduate students are more hesitant to support the cause. “It’s not like these foreign wars have […]
Biz Econ Major Excited To Commit White-Collar Crimes
WESTWOOD — Fourth-year business economics major Bordan Jelfort announced today that after years of experience in petty crime, he now intends to pursue a fruitful […]
“People Take Notes On This?” Asks North Campus Student Who Only Uses iPad For Porn
WESTWOOD — As iPads become the note-taking tool of choice for STEM majors, humanities students are not so quick to jump on the bandwagon — […]
Coughers In Your Lecture Actually Experimental A Cappella Group
WESTWOOD – In an exclusive Westwood Enabler interview, third-year physiological science major Ian Fluenza, spokesperson for the coughers in your lecture, announced that everyone coughing […]
Debt Collectors Find Powell Cat Alive in the Cayman Islands
CAYMAN ISLANDS — After his presumed death last March, debt collectors have found Powell Cat alive and well, sipping on Mai Tais in the Cayman […]