Economy
Chipotle To Require Credit Check Before Adding Guac
WESTWOOD — Chipotle announced Tuesday that they will be partnering with Credit Karma to run expedited credit checks on all customers attempting to add guac […]
UCLA Adds Rizzonomics Major
WESTWOOD — UCLA’s College of Letters and Sciences announced a new Rizzonomics major for the 2023–2024 academic year this week, which has the campus community […]
Trend Watch: Divorce!
After a glorious 20-year run, US divorce rates are back down to historic lows. Come on, people! What are we doing? The United States is […]
Student Treats Self To A Few Days Of Rotting In Bed
A WINDOWLESS BEDROOM — Area student Molly Lee was seen this morning treating themself to a days-long stint of rotting in bed. Due to their recent […]
Breaking: Woman Scorned
HOLLYWOOD — The fires of hell could not compare to the fury of area woman Maria Cooper when she discovered her husband’s infidelity. “That ugly, […]
Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas For Your Boyfriend
Uh oh! Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and you haven’t gotten a gift for that special guy in your life! Are you sick […]
CAPS Experiencing Unprecedented Surge Amid Egg Shortage
WESTWOOD — The national egg shortage has left droves of Bruins without a key ingredient not only of their breakfast but of their self care. “We […]
Fetishist Senator Gravely Misunderstands U.S.’ Inflation Problem
WASHINGTON, D.C.— The office of Senator Martha Lovelace (R-AR) is scrambling to spin an unfortunate gaffe made in the joint committee on taxation hearings earlier […]
UCLA’s Final Offer: Replace All TAs With This Cute Widdle Guy
WESTWOOD — In a bold move, UCLA officials have announced plans to fire all teaching assistants and replace them with Mr. Pudding. “We are always […]