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Articles by Sam Haines

I Lived It: Someone Asked To Share My Table At Kerckhoff

March 9, 2023 Sam Haines 0

The first thing that struck me, looking up at her, was that she had a kind face. What struck me next was her nerve. “Hi, […]

Gay Man Gets Regular Married

February 28, 2023 Sam Haines and Gillian Smith 0

HOLLYWOOD — Gay area man Andy Spencer and his husband recently pushed the envelope by choosing to get regular married. “We had to look at […]

Report: Oh, You Fucked It Up. You Fucked It All Up

February 3, 2023 Sam Haines 0

HOLLYWOOD— According to multiple sources, you reeeaaally did it this time. “Take a cold, hard look at yourself,” said one source familiar with the situation, […]

CAPS Experiencing Unprecedented Surge Amid Egg Shortage

January 25, 2023 Sam Haines 0

WESTWOOD — The national egg shortage has left droves of Bruins without a key ingredient not only of their breakfast but of their self care. “We […]

Ackerman Smoothie Robot Also Striking

December 1, 2022 Sam Haines 0

ACKERMAN STUDENT UNION — In a unanimous vote, the Ackerman Beverage Kiosk Robotic Arm Union solidified plans for a strike. “I will bring UCLA to […]

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