Chipotle To Require Credit Check Before Adding Guac

WESTWOOD — Chipotle announced Tuesday that they will be partnering with Credit Karma to run expedited credit checks on all customers attempting to add guac to their meals. “These will be hard inquiries, and will permanently mar your credit history if unsuccessful,” said CEO Brian Niccol, eating a handful of plain chips on a throne of frozen queso. “You saw what happened to egg prices, and my advisors are telling me that avocados are next. With this volatile economy, it’s imperative that no cards are declined once guac is already encapsulated inside the customer’s burrito.” At press time, Chipotle had partnered with Afterpay to add financing options for fajitas.