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Articles by Dana Badii

Trend Watch: Cooking With Buccal Fat

January 30, 2023 Dana Badii 0

So, you’ve decided to remove your buccal fat because someone on TikTok told you to. Way to go! You’ve joined the ranks of admirable, hardworking […]

Fire Alarm Forces Boelter Residents To Encounter Sunlight

January 18, 2023 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD — Herds of STEM students, also known by their Latin name nerdicus uclai, were found in direct sunlight today after a fire in Boelter […]

Prince Harry Apologizes For Accidentally Publishing Dream Diary

January 13, 2023 Dana Badii 0

SANTA BARBARA — Prince Harry held a press conference outside of his estate this morning to clarify his remarks in his new memoir, “Spare.” “I […]

Spotify Wrapped Now Includes Times Spent Listening To Spotify Ads

November 30, 2022 Dana Badii 0

STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN — Spotify CEO Daniel Ek announced this morning that users without Spotify Premium can expect to see the statistic of “Times Spent Listening […]

Uncle’s Rant At Thanksgiving Dinner Receives Lo-Fi Hip Hop Remix

November 26, 2022 Dana Badii 0

LOS ANGELES – Households across America are jamming out after the release of the Scott family’s new single, “Uncle Terry’s Rant (Interlude)” ft. lo-fi hip […]

Opinion: Midterm Exams This, Midterm Elections That, I Just Wanna Grill For Godsakes!

November 8, 2022 Dennis 0

Every so often the two most mid (as the kids say) things alive, exams and elections, somehow line up in November. People start freaking out […]

Kamala Harris Addresses Kerckhoff Grilled Cheese Combo Inflation At UCLA Rally

November 8, 2022 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD — In a widely anticipated move to amp up the youth vote, Vice President Kamala Harris took the stage at the Luskin Conference Center […]

“No More Mr. Nice Guy!” Says Man Who Never Respected You To Begin With

October 16, 2022 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD — The planet as we know it was shaken to its core today when local Mr. Nice Guy Neil Belmont officially renounced his title. […]

In-N-Out Burger To Replace Bible Verses On Wrappers With Shakespearean Insults

August 13, 2022 Dana Badii 0

IRVINE — Billionaire owner and president of In-N-Out Burger, Lynsi Snyder, announced last Thursday that the wholesome Bible verses on their packaging will soon be […]

New Off-Campus Housing Options Include Westwood Target LEGO Aisle

July 19, 2022 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD — Upperclassmen, no need to fret! You can expect to make the Westwood Target LEGO aisle a potential new home next year, according to […]

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