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Articles by Dana Badii

Someone glaring at another person standing in a corner at a party

I Lived It: The Corner I Was Going To Stand In At The Party Got Taken

May 31, 2025 Dana Badii 0

As a Mysterious Fella, it’s important for me to have a nice corner to stand in at parties. There’s really nothing like holding a clammy […]

Report: Never Trust How You Feel About Your Life From 12AM To 11:59PM

May 22, 2025 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD — A new study from UCLA’s Student Anxiety and Depression (SAD) laboratory recommends to never trust anything you think about your life from 12:00 […]

Guy wearing the same outfit as his profile picture

Embarrassing! You’re Wearing The Same Outfit As Your Profile Picture

May 15, 2025 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD — Uh oh! After giving your Instagram to a cute classmate, they pointed out that you’re wearing the same outfit as your profile picture. […]

Texts reading "I started making music from home a few months ago. And you listen with headphones and just let me know your HONEST thoughts"

I Lived It: An Old Friend Reached Out Just To Share Their Beats

May 10, 2025 Dana Badii 0

It’s a cool early summer evening. The moon is glowing, the stars are shining, and I’m taking advantage of this peaceful night by scrolling through […]

“Sensitive Young Man” Walk Interrupted By Campus Tour Guide

April 17, 2025 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD — Last Thursday, one student’s weekly evening “sensitive young man” walk tragically got interrupted by a campus tour guide. “I was pacing around the […]

“Bruintizing” To Be Replaced With Getting Hit By A Scooter

April 10, 2025 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD — Instead of having students dip their fingers into the Inverted Fountain, UCLA has now required future new Bruin initiations to only consist of […]

Roommate Finally Learns Second Song On Acoustic Guitar

March 31, 2025 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD — After three years of listening to his roommate exclusively play “Wonderwall” by Oasis, one man has confirmed that the aspiring acoustic guitarist was […]

Admitted Student Already Planning On Skipping Lectures

March 24, 2025 Dana Badii 0

SAN JOSE — After getting accepted to UCLA’s Class of 2029, one high schooler already had his mind set on skipping lectures as soon as […]

“Do You Know What Today Is?” Asks Biggest Dweeb You Know

March 14, 2025 Dana Badii and Shayne Sweet 0

WESTWOOD — This morning, students all over campus had their peace interrupted by the biggest dweeb around asking if they knew what day it was. […]

“Old UCLA Hoodie And Jeans” Receives Oscar For Best Costume Design

March 2, 2025 Dana Badii 0

HOLLYWOOD — Tonight, the Academy of Motion Arts and Pictures has announced that the modern-classic, “Old UCLA Hoodie and Jeans,” has won an Oscar for […]

Posts pagination

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  • A white boy and Asian girl standing outside Marugame Udon

    White Boy With Asian Girlfriend Too Excited To Celebrate AAPI Month

    WESTWOOD — After making yet another joke about “sucking balls” while ordering boba, first-year Global Studies major Brayden Smith made an Instagram post where he […]

  • Embarrassing! Student Doesn’t Have Outfit For Victorian French Gothic Hyperpop Themed Fundrager

    WESTWOOD — This weekend, civil engineering freshman James Baeseck was humiliated as he failed to show up in theme to the unsustainable fashion club’s Victorian […]

  • Report: Never Trust How You Feel About Your Life From 12AM To 11:59PM

    WESTWOOD — A new study from UCLA’s Student Anxiety and Depression (SAD) laboratory recommends to never trust anything you think about your life from 12:00 […]

  • Secretary of Defense Announces That Only The “Boy Lesbians” Will Be Eligible for Future Drafts

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Commenting on the draft eligibility of American women, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth announced that only the “boy lesbians” would be eligible. […]

  • Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site

    Dear Julio Frenk, UCLA has been under a lot of controversy lately. The encampments and the mob attack on them, the cops everywhere, deportations, budget […]

Featured Authors

mm
Gabe McNeill
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
  • Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site
  • Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

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