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Economy

Opinion: I Listened To The Daily Once, And Now I Am Omniscient

June 7, 2023 Eric Rousso 0

Greetings, lesser one. It is I, your neighbor in POLSCI 30, here to inform you of my recent endeavors in the political sphere. Last night, […]

Republicans Propose “No Child Left Unshot” Plan

May 23, 2023 Gillian Smith 0

WASHINGTON D.C. — Seeking to expand on the “No Child Left Behind” educational program, Senate Republicans have rolled out “No Child Left Unshot.” “We think […]

Psych Major Offended At Suggestion Of Therapy

April 20, 2023 Gabby Bromberg 0

WESTWOOD – Although therapy is growing in popularity, a stigma still exists, and third-year psychology major Nellie Robinson is no exception. “Can you believe my […]

HBO Merges With Other Streaming Services To Form MaxCockMount+

April 13, 2023 Rujula Rao 0

BURBANK — Following the rebrand of HBO Max to just “Max,” Warner Bros. announced today that they will also be merging with the Peacock and […]

Man Who’ll Never Be Truly Happy Brags About Investment Banking Internship

April 12, 2023 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — Financial actuarial math major Belfan Jordort was spotted loudly bragging about his upcoming internship at Goldman Sachs, despite the fact that he has […]

You Went To Cabo, And We Can Tell

April 5, 2023 Ava Abrishamchian 0

Chipotle To Require Credit Check Before Adding Guac

March 15, 2023 Bella Dunham 0

WESTWOOD — Chipotle announced Tuesday that they will be partnering with Credit Karma to run expedited credit checks on all customers attempting to add guac […]

UCLA Adds Rizzonomics Major

March 8, 2023 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA’s College of Letters and Sciences announced a new Rizzonomics major for the 2023–2024 academic year this week, which has the campus community […]

Trend Watch: Divorce!

March 6, 2023 James Hinckleberry, Family Law Attorney (1-800-DIVORCE) 0

After a glorious 20-year run, US divorce rates are back down to historic lows. Come on, people! What are we doing? The United States is […]

Student Treats Self To A Few Days Of Rotting In Bed

March 1, 2023 Ammi Lane-Volz 0

A WINDOWLESS BEDROOM — Area student Molly Lee was seen this morning treating themself to a days-long stint of rotting in bed. Due to their recent […]

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