Andre To Perform At Coachella
INDIO, CA — In an unprecedented announcement, Andre has announced via his Instagram page (@larger_thanlife_3) that he will be performing at the Coachella Valley Music […]
Economy
Generous Airline Passenger Offers Half Of Armrest In Exchange For Six Hours Of Touching
LAX — Move over, “Miracle on 34th Street,” today there was a miracle in the 34th row: airline passenger and local hero Walt Jones offered […]
Suave Announces 5-in-1 Shampoo, Conditioner, Body Wash, Lube, And Meal Replacement
CHICAGO — Responding to investor pressures to expand its customer base, Suave announced Thursday a new 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, personal lubricant, and meal […]
Westwood Neighborhood Council Votes To Add More Vacant Pits
WESTWOOD — Citing an uncharacteristic lack of gaping holes in the ground, the Westwood Neighborhood Council voted Friday to add more vacant pits to the […]
StockX Now Selling Insulin
DETROIT — The popular reselling website StockX has now added insulin to its vast catalog in what internet scalpers are calling the “sugar rush.” “My […]
Westwood Celebrates Lunar New Year by Adding 24th New Boba Shop
WESTWOOD — As a celebration of the Lunar New Year, the Westwood Neighborhood Council has approved the addition of a 24th new boba shop in […]
Student Using Zoom Raise Hand Function “Just Stretching”
LOS ANGELES — Second-year Communications major Aiden Malone clarified today that his use of the “raise hand” function on zoom was just his stretching. “If […]
2,022 Things To Look Forward To In 2022
2021 has wrapped up and we are now in a new year. Change can be scary, so here is a list of 2,022 things that […]
Report: Use Of Word “Unprecedented” Spiking
SEATTLE — As the Omicron variant ravages through the country, top language researchers have noticed a second surge of the word “unprecedented.” “It’s as if […]
Report: Jackhammers In Westwood Only Work Between 4 A.M. And 8 A.M.
WESTWOOD — A new study from the Los Angeles Public Works Department found that jackhammers in the Westwood neighborhood can only operate in the wee […]