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Economy

Cuomo Promises Curtis Sliwa Sexual Favors to Drop Out Of Mayoral Election

November 4, 2025 Ean Soh 0

NEW YORK CITY — In a last-ditch effort to thwart frontrunner Zohran Mamdani, independent Andrew Cuomo has promised Republican candidate Curtis Sliwa undisclosed sexual favors […]

Opinion: Nice Guys Finish Second

September 23, 2025 Koko Crawford 0

Opinion: Half The Government Is Fired And I Still Need A Real ID?

May 8, 2025 Emma Searing 0

Elon Musk, If you can find any room in your Grinch-sized heart, please do your job for once. If you are trying to make the […]

Trend Watch: Withdrawing All Your Money From The Bank

April 9, 2025 Paige Reed 0

WESTWOOD — In light of the recent economic chaos brought about by the Trump administration’s sweeping tariffs, many on social media have taken to a […]

Gayley Heights Burns Down After Roommates Make Really Long Chain Of Power Strips

March 28, 2025 Paige Reed 0

WESTWOOD — On Thursday, UCLA apartment building Gayley Heights went up in flames after a mischievous band of roommates assembled an unusually lengthy chain of […]

UCLA Housing Signs Dorm Furnishing Contract With Temu

February 28, 2025 Paige Reed 0

WESTWOOD — In anticipation of even less housing space and even more budget cuts, UCLA Housing has attempted to cut costs by signing a dorm […]

Increasingly Desperate Clubs Begin Selling Organs On Bruinwalk

February 12, 2025 Georgia McNeill 0

WESTWOOD — After a decline in sales of Porto’s Bakery rolls and Krispy Kreme donuts, increasingly desperate clubs have begun selling their own organs on […]

Opinion: Stealing Is Morally Wrong Unless It’s From The Hilltop Shop

January 22, 2025 Georgia McNeill 0

The Hilltop Shop is essential to surviving on the Hill. Need laundry detergent? Cheeto Puffs? A month-old refrigerated sandwich? You go to the Hilltop Shop. […]

State Government Grants $5 Kohl’s Cash Stimulus To Fire Victims

January 14, 2025 Dana Badii 0

WASHINGTON D.C.  — Today, President Biden promised that all victims of the ongoing Southern California fires can expect to receive $5 Kohl’s Cash in their […]

I Lived It: My Face Card Got Declined

December 2, 2024 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD – It’s 3:30, and I just got out of class to go to Kerckhoff Coffeehouse. It’s been a long day and I need my […]

Posts pagination

1 2 … 7 »
  • Vampire Draws Line At Period Sex

    WESTWOOD — Local bloodsucker and thousandth-year religion student Vlad Cullen was seen insisting to his suitors he was down for almost anything in the bedroom, […]

  • Companies Are Desperate For Spring Interns: Just Not You, Specifically

    WESTWOOD — Companies are searching far and wide for driven UCLA students to help out over the spring, just not you. Yeah, you. Reading this […]

  • De Neve Oyster Night Ends As Expected

    WESTWOOD — Last Tuesday night, what was supposed to be a celebratory evening with unlimited raw bivalves at the least refined dining hall ended in […]

  • See You Later, Boy: Skater Boys Replaced By “Scooter Boys”

    WESTWOOD — Folks all across campus have been saying “see you later, boy” to the skater boy, and hello to the scooter boy, who has […]

  • Math Professor Doesn’t Know That Half Of Ten Weeks Is Five Weeks

    WESTWOOD — This week, local math professor Dr. Ivil has come under fire after scheduling a midterm for Week 4, a week that is definitively […]

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Georgia McNeill
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