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WESTWOOD — An email was sent to the Bruin community late last night, in which it was announced that the quarter system would be renamed […]
SAN DIEGO — Marginalized communities across the nation praised white man Evan Schmidt this Wednesday for his radical choice to exclusively date Asian women. “I’ve […]
WESTWOOD — On Thursday evening, local gaslighting boyfriend Jayson “what’s ur snap?” Jones correctly described his girlfriend’s brain as “all in her head.” “Nothing you […]
THE 101 — In an inspiring story out of Los Angeles, 32-year-old feminist Simone Hedrick has made the brave decision to finally settle down and […]
TUSCANY — Pinocchio, despite his lifelong wish to become a real boy, has announced he rescinds his statement and would like to become a wooden […]
WESTWOOD — Communications major Jonathan Yao shocked students and staff Friday when he ejaculated in his graduation gown while accepting his diploma. “It could’ve been […]
OMAHA — Scientists discovered Thursday that the universe was created 8,000 years ago. “Feel old yet? God, that’s such a long time,” said chief astrophysicist […]
Nice guys finish last, but take my word for it, being an utterly irredeemable piece of human garbage is difficult. To help you out, the […]
2021 has wrapped up and we are now in a new year. Change can be scary, so here is a list of 2,022 things that […]
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